Ecclesiastes 3:11

Daughter, I want you to know who you are in me. I mean who you really are in me- completely loved and totally forgiven. I want you to trust me one step, one day, one second at a time. Dwell in My power and My love and be all that you are in me, in My strength, and in My power. Do not fear what might happen or what the future may bring because my grace is sufficient and I will take care of you. Daughter, I know that you long to give yourself to someone, to have a deep relationship with him, and to be loved thoroughly and exclusively by him. But I must say no. Not until my love is enough. Not until you can see yourself truly complete in me. I love you, my child. Until you discover that your joy and satisfaction can be found in me alone, you will not be capable of handling the problems and disappointments that are part of every relationship. You can never be truly united with another in the way your heart desires, only I can fill that emptiness, only I can supply that need, only I can love you enough. You must be united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings before you will have the strength to endure the many heart-aches and, yes, even soul-aches of even a seemingly perfect human relationship. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you my faithfulness, my gentleness, and my self-control. Then, you will need no other. Daughter, I want you to allow me to be enough. You must keep your eyes on me, expecting the greatest and the best things from me. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am and that you are my child. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. Stay close by my side. Seek my face in the morning, my presence throughout the day, and my comfort at night. I am always there, Daughter. I will never leave you or forsake you. But, you must wait. Don’t be anxious. Do not get in a hurry. Don’t look around and fear or envy the things others have received from me. You must keep from looking off or away. Look up to me or you’ll miss the things I want to show you, and then, when you are ready, I’ll give you the desires I have put in your heart, the strength to endure all things, and the courage to risk your heart. You see, until you are ready and the one I have for you is ready… I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time… until you are both living to, which you will, however imperfectly, reflect your relationship in me.

////

"Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end."

Loneliness is no stranger to all of us. Loneliness has no pick with age or culture or background - We all know it. Those times where we could be in a room full of people but still feel like an island in the midst of an ocean. Cast your eyes to the skies and feel the weight of everything press in on you as the lights dim between your flickering eyelids. Breathe in the air and it's thickness settles in your lungs. Where the city lights flicker among the darkness of night, reminding you of the millions of people in the world, and yet. Like a heavy gray shadow treading softly behind human footsteps of long ago, left behind - How tiring it is, to want something you don't have. The human need of being loved and secured. It's hard to love a God that I cannot see with my own eyes. Hard to love a God that I cannot feel at times. Hard to love a God with a voice so soft that I have to strain to catch His whispers. Hard to love a God for who's sake I sacrifice all things and reject the world.

I close my eyes and take in another breath. Heavy, ponderous, melancholy. He brings to mind the breaking of soft, gentle waves along the shore. Glittering in the sunlight, it has no choice. A beautiful pattern. The sand is its boundary, one wave at a time. The deep calls out and it's voice it heard along the breaking shoreline. He brings to mind a single leaf being taken along the wind's course. It twists and turns and flies, trembles in it's slight singleness, at the mercy of a current the leaf cannot see but must bend to, taken up higher and higher and higher. Higher, higher, higher, the wind is relentless. But higher.

And I know.

Had I not a God that I couldn't see with my own eyes - How much less would I be able to see the pinholes through which He works through in my life? How could I see Him in all His glory with my own eyes when they themselves fail to see the beauty that which His hands has made? And I know that I am seeing Him when the sun rises, when a flower blooms, when the stars twinkle together in their night dance.

Had I not a God that I cannot feel at times - How could I learn to trust in His words and promises? How could I base His presence on my feelings when they themselves fail in giving me wisdom and guidance? And I know that the faith I give will be given back to me, a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over. Where what I entrust to Him, I am sure that He is able to guard until that day what I have entrusted to Him.

Had I not a God with a sweet and soft whisper - How would I be able to throw all else aside and seek with desperation His assuring voice? How else could I learn to silence the great and strong gust roaring around around me and submit to the gentle blowing wind? And I know that His still, small callings teaches me that among the other voices clamouring out to me to lay aside my values - I instead listen to Him, and lay aside that which is unworthy of my attention.

And had I not a God for whom I choose to reject the world... I would not be learning to settle only for what I am worth, and for who He has planned for me.

"Facebook message me! Twitter isn't working, I can't DM you right now", "Hey check your phone I texted you", "Why didn't you reply my Whatsapp/BBM/iMessage?" - I am so sick of technology accelerating a relationship that is premature. Think about it. Just because two people have texted each other 6 hours a day for two weeks, they assume they know everything about each other. Well, no. Technology can never communicate sincerity, the millions of facial expressions, intonations, a hurting pause, the flicker of an eye, as well as reality can. Don't expect wonders beyond a screen. Don't settle for an instant connectivity to substitute a beautiful experience. Optical fibers ain't gonna give you the same sparks that a real conversation can. Instant messaging takes no effort on each other's part. Call me a cavelady who's still stuck trying to relive the chivalry of the Middle Ages, but I think, oh wait, I know I'm pretty much worth the pursuit.

1 Timothy 6:6

Spending time with God always puts everything into perspective. It's choosing to say, my life isn't okay right now and these feelings are not right, and God, You have to show me and tell me why I feel this way. God, I'm not budging till you tell me why. I don't care how terrible You tell me my heart is or how much darkness I am still hiding or the things I tell myself I am not - God, You need to show me because I am never going to go beyond this mark and I know I am not going to grow if I don't know the reason why. We can never grow if we are trying to move forward but we know somewhere that there is something not right. The reasons why it's not right doesn't seem very clear and sometimes it doesn't even seem important. But that snag could be what holds us back and tears a hole in us that can only get bigger over time if we don't mend it. The Holy Spirit is there in us for a reason, to guide us and to teach us. He is God in us. He is uneasy when there is something in us which isn't right with God. He tells us. The small pangs of conviction in us is a sign for us to check our motives and reasons and heart. Always checking and searching our heart is discipline for us - and discipline never seems pleasant at that time, but painful. However, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (Hebrews 12:11)

Child,
why are you comparing
as if all that I have given you
is not enough?

But God, no
You gave Your life up for me
how could that not be enough?

Then
I have given you all you need,
compare no more.

"Godliness with contentment is great gain."

On God's Will

Question: How can I tell what God wants me to do? I never make any big decision without praying about it first, but most of the time I feel like God doesn’t give me a clear answer. I don’t want to date just anyone, but I don’t know how to tell if the guy I like is the one God wants for me. That scenario also applies to colleges and jobs. Like, currently, I’m trying to get my first job, but I’m feeling pretty nervous about it and I don’t know if it’s something He wants me to do. How can I tell?

Answer: Thanks so much for the question. What you’re talking about in this question has to do with discernment. In other words, there is no crystal clear Bible verse that tells you specifically which college to go to or which guy to date, so how do I pick the one God wants for me in the midst of so many choices? Obviously, you’re starting this whole process out beautifully by praying about everything, (so hats off to you on that score) but the question remains: What next?


Not many people talk about this, but I really believe that a huge key to growing in discernment is learning to be submissive. What I mean is this: Decide right now that you want to completely give your heart, your will and your future to the Lord. Decide right now that you are submitting your life to His will. You want Him to have the freedom to call the shots because you trust His heart and you know that His plans are awesome and that they are for your best.


Now, I know this seems obvious, but trust me, it’s not. And it’s not the way most Christians make decisions. You see, the Bible may not tell you the first middle and last name of the guy God wants you to date, but it is crystal clear about the fact that it is God’s will for you to remain sexually pure. (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5) Translation: Some folks spend all their time and energy trying to find the ‘right’ guy, but then they put absolutely no thought or prayer into doing what it takes to remain sexually pure with that guy. I mean Biblically speaking, if you take the purity thing as seriously as most folks take the selection process, you could date a bunch of folks, find out a lot about yourself and who is right for you without suffering the kind of emotional shipwreck that people do when they give themselves sexually to the so-called ‘greatest guy ever’ that just broke their heart.


Again, the Bible may not tell you exactly which job to apply for, but it says explicitly that it is God’s will for you to remain joyful, pray all the time and continuously give thanks in every situation. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) If you made it your goal to pursue joy, prayer and a grateful heart and then just took a job, (any ole job) you might find God opening and closing doors that lead you right to where He wants you be - as opposed to a person who gets their dream job, but then complains about it every day and as a result, has no joy and doesn’t hear God at all.


You see, discernment is less about the details, and more about the attitude. If you submit your heart to the will of God and decide right now that in all of your decisions, you want to do things His way, then He may just open up the doors for you without you having to decide.

Source: Lee Younger

I like this a lot. It's not about how much we know or are sure of, but how much our attitudes are willing to obey Him.

In all things, Your Kingdom come, Your will be done.

Philippians 2:5-9

They always say that if you consider something important enough, you'll find a way to never let it go.

But I don't agree.

Sometimes, if you consider something important enough, there will be times where you have to let go.

How many of us value our lives? We do. We'll find ways not to die before our time. We'll exercise, take vitamins, laugh more. We'll adopt a pet, eat organic, stop smoking. Anything to improve the quality of our lives, because our lives are that valuable.

But Jesus considered our lives important enough - to let His go.

For our sake.

We never want to let go of things that we consider important. Maybe we think we'll never have another chance, that we'll lose whatever it is forever.

That's not the case.

Jesus let go of His life. Now He's in Heaven sitting at the right hand of God. He's in a better place compared to this earth.

Sometimes we are fearful of letting go because we don't know what the future holds.

Jesus already set an example.

Choose Christ and let go of what you deem as precious, and He will see to it that what you get in return is worth it.

God knows our heart, and when we step out and move into new unfamiliar territories, He honors us, not for what we have or have not done, but because we faithfully put Him at the center of all we do. *samnaka

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather, He made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross!

Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name."

James 1:26-27

"If anyone considers himself religious and YET does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is WORTHLESS."
We could be as holy as holy could be.. We could go to church 5 times a week, sing praises in our loudest voice, yell Amen's and Hallelujah's at the pastor's every word - and yet, if we go out into the world and our tongues follow the ways of the world, EVERYTHING we have done in the house of God is NULLIFIED. It says so plainly in the Bible, what use is it if we are so religious and we proclaim to love our God, but if our tongues act as a small flame that brings an entire forest down in a huge fire.. Our religion and the life we live is a lie. Our sacrifices unto God is made invalid. Gossip, slander, envy, lies - we shoot it off our mouths like God overlooks it. As if the God we serve considers murder worse than slander. As if God holds us accountable for causing another to stumble, but not from the fruits of our lips.

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
And yet so often when a person less 'perfect' than us comes along our way, we laugh and pretend to love them. We offer them a hand that has been blackened by the dirt of our own sins and words that have been tainted by the deceitfulness of our own tongues, and we think that we are loving like Jesus has called us to do. We dare to serve while standing, unaware that one needs soiled knees and a humility bigger than our pride to wash another's feet. We blatantly follow the ways of the world in regard to relationships and materialism. The body that says to unbelievers, "Love not the ways of this world!" is the same body that unashamedly conforms to the patterns of the world.

So many thoughts ringing through my head, conviction after conviction after conviction. We think we are okay but we are stumbling blocks to those who try to seek truth. We are not who we think we are - Judge me by the fruits that I produce. Where are the fruits we are supposed to be seeing?

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

Pretty cupcakes from the SSPCA fair! I wonder why icing always looks so pretty, but tastes so bad.

Christmas decorations in theSpring!

There's Jaomi, me, Crystal, and Han Then at Paulus&Yee Chee's wedding dinner. 

And the brother is back, so now there probably won't be any more food left in the fridge after a week.

Camp is in 2 days! Stoked. See you guys till then. x

I've just bought my (not so expensive) 2012 planner, AND a (horribly expensive) cover for it! How exciting! I can't wait to use it :) I'm sure I'm not the only one that gets excited over managing my time...... Am I? It brings to mind God managing my times. I wonder if He has this huge planner to record down what we're going to do? Somehow I don't think so. I'm sure God's not that scatterbrained to have to rely on a planner. Unlike the person that just bought a planner, uh... But really. My mind hits a brick wall when I try to imagine God having such a specific plan for each and every human on this earth, and how He can manage to just work all our lives out equally amazingly. Seeing that it's my exam year next year, I'm wondering, my goodness, where am I supposed to go after my exams? I'm really not worried though. God has a plan and I know that! It's such a relief knowing that there is a God who's looking out for you and caring for you and He's got not only your back, but your front as well. 

And.. I bought coloured tape? Which were sort of a rip-off because once you try to tape something, the colour can hardly be seen. Pah! On another totally unrelated note, church camp is in 4 more days and I am absolutely stoked. I remember last years camp, and how Jesus decided to surprise us with something we weren't expecting and come in an altogether different way - let's expect something different from the same faithful God this year too. Like I wrote in December 2010, "I don't want to be stuck in the same cycle of expectancy, of putting the hugely creative God into some small box; I don't want to be stuck in the previous wave if God is leading us into a new one."

The Paradox of Our Age

"The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families; more conveniences, but less time. More degrees, but less sense; more knowledge, but less judgment; more experts, but more problems; more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, and watch TV too much.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.

We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, yet still have trouble crossing the street to meet our new neighbor. We’ve conquered outer space, but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things. We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul; we’ve split the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait; have higher incomes, but lower morals; more food, and less appeasement. We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but have less and less communication.

We’ve become long on quantity, but short on quality. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion; tall men, and short characters; steep profits, and shallow relationships. These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare; more leisure, but less fun; more food, and less nutrition.

These are the days of two incomes, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes. Of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one-night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom; a time when technology has brought this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to make a difference, or just to hit delete..."

How November's holding up:

Nyums. I have been getting into cooking & baking a little, mostly out of sheer boredom, and also because my mom isn't going to be my maid and cook whatever I randomly desire (Obviously). One thing I have been craving all November is a nice plate of seafood spaghetti! Seafood is delicious. Most seafoods are an excellent source of proteins, vitamins, and minerals, minus the huge calorie content (Depending on how you cook it). Fish is great brain food! ;) But mostly, I just want some pasta.

Fun nutrition facts!
- Most of the nutrients in a potato reside just below the skin layer.
- Most of the fiber in fruit is in the peel.
- One medium sized-tomato provides over a third of the recommended daily allowance of vitamin C, and nearly a third of the recommended daily allowance of vitamin A.

Ye-ess, lately I have been drinking my mineral water with half a lemon squeezed into it and 2 teaspoons of honey. Other than the claims of others swearing by this drink to lose weight and detoxify your body (Not that I'm even remotely trying to lose weight.. Rubbish), it is absolutely delish. I am convinced that I will never go back to drinking plain ol' mineral water ever again. Never.  

More fun facts!

- Foods such as orange juice and lemon juice are acidic in their natural state but turn alkaline after they have been metabolized in the body. 

- The French referred to the tomato as "love apples", whereas lemons were once referred to as "golden apples".

- I cannot eat tomatoes or eggplants because they cause my tongue intense pain & makes it swell. 

Random thoughts on a Friday night

Tough decision to make. Momentary pleasures or eternal pleasures? To resist or to give in? The psalmist David said twice in his uber cool book of prophetic psalms that there would be eternal pleasures at Your right hand forevermore - I suppose he knew what he was going on about. Tough, tough, decision. I shrugged my shoulders and thought what the heck. You're worth it. I chose eternity.

Things that make life seem hard. Sometimes I wonder a lot why things happen. Where's the justice that God seems to go on so much about? Hard times get harder. But I realise God's ways are eternally higher. There wouldn't be much sense in believing in a God I could understand - I've realised that if a god were to be like me, that would be a pretty screwed up god. I'm going for the God that is ridiculously mysterious in His ways, yet has proven Himself much too real for me to disbelieve. We go through things for a reason. Cliche and overused, but it rings through. We'll look back a few years from now and see that what we had to go through was essential for us to get to where we are and to lead us in His will. The spark of interest in medical nutrition and eating disorders would never have been ignited if I hadn't gone through my own period of struggle with food and body image. The compassion for the hurting would never have been there if I hadn't gone through hurting myself. The belief and faith in God wouldn't have been there if I hadn't wrestled first with my own disbelief and doubts and finally let God prove Himself to me.

We'd never have been ready for what God had planned for us if we hadn't gone through whatever it was we went through. We'll never be ready for what God has planned for us if we don't go through whatever it is we'll go through. Think of where you are now and how you got there - Think of how going through tough times shaped you. Now think about where you'll be in, say, 5 years. Can't imagine? That's great. Because you don't know, but God does. And I think we all know pretty well that He knows what He's doing.

Everyone falls sometimes. Maybe not a jump-off-a-cliff sort of fall each time, but a fall nonetheless. A trip over a stubborn rock. A clumsy crash you could have avoided - Oops, too late. A slip on a banana peel. We all tumble more than a washing machine.

But its all about your attitude.

You find the positive in every negative - Even if that positive is so small, Google Maps can't even locate it. You find it. It's there.

I can't stand it when people moan and groan like their lives are ending, although it's mostly over small matters. You don't see people in Ethiopia anguished about who among their friends have been backstabbing them. You don't see the persecuted in China griping about how their moms are nagging them to do house chores.

"But Hannah," you whine, "that doesn't even make sense! That doesn't even relate to my life! I'm certainly not a starving Ethiopian! I'm certainly not being persecuted in China!"

You aren't. But what about those who are? What makes them different from who you are? How come they can survive despite how they live and how they are being treated?

We are so spoilt. We get hit by a stone but we cry about it like its a boulder.

You might fall today, it doesn't mean you'll never get up.
You might cry today, it doesn't mean the tears will never dry.
You might hurt today, it doesn't mean that hurts don't heal.
You might have had the worst day ever - It doesn't mean there are no other days left in the year for you to find happiness in.

Sometimes it just hits me how weak and selfish we are. We don't know troubles, we don't know the true pain of toil and labour. We don't know how to find goodness. One thing we do know - We're pretty bloody good at complaining.

Let's stop being so ungrateful. Let's stop being so selfish. Lets

thank God for the sink full of dirty dishes, reminding me of nice food to eat.
thank God for the pile of dirty laundry, reminding me of nice clothes to wear.
thank God for the dirty toilet that needs to be washed, reminding me of convenience.
thank God for the amount of chores awaiting, reminding me how richly You have blessed this family.

Perfect Peace

"I will give you perfect peace if you will stay your mind on Me."
-Isaiah 26:3, my paraphrase

The door had just closed behind Wade . . . the last one to leave with his lunch sack under his arm. Bill was gone. Even Esther, our dog, was outside. And I was getting ready for another big round of depression. I had made it through breakfast and fixing lunches, but now that I was alone I was going under . . . fast.

I had been pacing the house and was walking down the hallway when, in utter frustration, I stopped, made a fist, and shook it in Gods general direction. (I'm confident He was very impressed.)

God! You have promised me peace, and I don't have it! I am an emotional basket case. My insides are churning. My hands are trembling. My thoughts are so confused that I don't know whether I'm coming or going. Theres a lump in my throat that just stays there. I am hurting so badly, and I certainly don't have any semblance of peace! My world is completely haywire! Why, Lord, why?

And it was almost like He whispered to me . . .

"Anabel, what are you setting your mind on? What are you thinking about?"

* * *

How many times have you accused Him of being the reason for your problem, for not coming through on His end of the bargain? No. You must understand that He never promised an unconditional peace. It comes with instructions: I will give you peace if you will stay your mind on Me.

I guess I'm a slow learner, Lord. I still think of peace as freedom from problems. No. Thats not it, is it? Peace is resting in You. Peace is knowing You can face the day through me.

Regardless.

I remember, Lord, when I used to wake up and say, "My God! Another day! How can I possibly get through it?" It's different now.

Oh, I still wake up and call on You, but I say,
"My precious God. Thank You that You are
going to meet today for me."
Thats peace. Perfect peace.
I pray that this thought will cause you to rest more
completely in His arms today.

Lifetime Daily Devotions, day 64

What Love Isn’t:

Love isn’t infatuation. Infatuation is when you like something about a person, but when you get to know the person, you suddenly realize you’re dating more than just a the cute haircut you like.

Love isn’t about co-dependancy. Co-dependancy is about being fixated on another person for approval, identity and self-esteem. If this relationship gives you a feeling of worth that you didn’t already have from God, then this isn’t about love.

Love isn’t lust. Lust is that itchy feeling in your trousers that goes up when they dress a certain way, and down when they dress another certain way. Love doesn’t fluctuate like that.

Love isn’t a crush. Crushes are generally our way of imagining what it would be like to be with a certain type of person. Those feelings can be really strong, but they’re based on a imaginary relationship, not a real one.

Love isn’t about stalking or obsessing. If you’re hiding outside someone’s place with binoculars, this isn’t love, you’ve just bought a one-way ticket to Creepytown.

Love isn’t worship. Worship as about adoring a deity that has the power to change your life. No human fits that bill.

Finally, love isn’t romance. Romance is emotional, love is spiritual. Romance is showing people how much we care, love is way beyond human caring. Romance is delicate, love is not delicate. Love is the toughest thing there is.

///////

TMFS #1

To My Future Spouse,

You're the reason why I'm making an effort to learn how to cook. No husband of mine is going to die from starvation. Or complain to his friends that he has to order takeout every other day because I burnt the kitchen down. Nope, you're gonna get fed well and healthy and your friends will come by sometimes and they will slap you on the back and tell you you're lucky to have married such a good cook. This might take some time, but it's alright. I've got plenty of time to kill while waiting for you. Speaking of food, I wonder if you're getting enough nutrition from that bread that Jesus was speaking about? I know you will be a regular partaker of His bread, and His Word will sustain you when all else fails. I know you will drink always of His rivers, and that alone will be your source of life. I'll know it because everywhere you go, you will be strong because His strength runs through you. Strength that can only come from dining at His table. Eat up.

Yours

I may be weak but your Spirit's strong in me. My flesh may fail but my God, You never will

God is good, God is faithful. We screw up and we disappoint Him and we end up deeper in the trash than we were in the first place; but guess what - God is still good, God is still faithful. We fumble around clumsily with our efforts and tax our brains thinking and we find out that whatever we try to fix ends up screwed. Guess what - God is still good, God is still faithful. We run away and we try to hide and we realise our excuses are as empty as the wind, we are as empty as the wind. Where is our purpose and where are we heading? Down like a deer caught in the headlights, that bright light we thought so beautiful has caught us. Things are not what we want them to be - Hold up, they never are, are they? Guess what, God is still good and God is still faithful.

We aren't where we thought we would end up. Hearts a'breaking, life's a'changing. Change scares people because of the uncertainty that the future holds. But when you give your heart to Jesus, life doesn't become about you anymore. It isn't yours to hold. It isn't yours to mold. You gave it up. All edges dissolve and resistance falls away, submission becomes a way of life and not a momentary decision. We gave it up, trusting somehow, radically, impossibly, that what our life becomes, turns out for our good to bring glory to its Writer. Yes, even when it hurts. Even when it hurts.

Frustrated, sick, tired, angry
Ever hearing but never understanding
Ever seeing but never perceiving
the deeper it gets
the darker it seems

This is the God that cuts a
channel for the torrents of rain
When every cut hurts
 and each one runs deeper than the first

But without the running cuts -
breaking up of soil -
deepening cracks -
How can a channel be formed?
How is the way paved?

The torrents of rain run through
Channels deep and wide and dry
to water a desert
to satisfy a desolate wasteland

"Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm, to water a land where no one lives, an uninhabited desert, to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass?" {Job 38:25}

Light of Love

I am sitting here in front of the computer, still in my pajamas, enjoying a plate of potatoes. To be exact, a potato cut in half and about a quarter of the insides scooped out, fried, filled in with cheese, sprinkled with some salt, and melted. Amazing. (Seems like the only things I'm good at cooking are eggs and potatoes.. This needs to change.)

These few days I've been pretty irritated by someone who just goes around telling everyone off, as if everything should be done her way to benefit her. Its like she criticizes others and tries to correct their attitudes without realising that block of wood in her own eye. I'm sure we've all met with that kind of person before, or even actually been that kind of person (I know I have) - and they are so hard to love. I talked, angered, ranted, repented, threw my hands up in disgust, ranted, repented, to my Father about this. Not just talking about the-one-so-hard-to-love but also talking about myself, and how deep down, I knew that I actually didn't want to choose to love her. Wrestling with the fact that the love I give out is actually a choice to look beyond all imperfections and irritations, and how I wanted to love her but at the same time I didn't want to surrender my disappointments (I wanted revenge actually, sorry! That's the old nature for you. Its no wonder Paul always wrote letters to the churches telling them to cast off the old nature and put on Christ.) to God. Like a child that doesn't want to share his favourite toy train with anyone else, I didn't want to surrender my irritations because I wanted to use it to play around with and cause hurt to the other person.

Finally, exhausted, slightly more mellowed out but still frustrated... I sat still and listened.

Hannah, you pray and you ask Me to make you more and more like Me. You pray and say that you want to learn to love like how I love, and live the way I live. But now..

Oh.

.. But now when the unlovable comes, are you going to love like Me, or were those prayers just for show?

Oh.

Ouch.

That was a wake-up call, a much-needed rap on the knuckles from Heaven. But so much truth in it. We pray and we plead and we cry out in desperation for God to change us, for God to mold us to be like Him, for God to teach us to love everyone like How he does. However when people who are the epitome of unlovable cross out paths, we get angry and judgmental and yell to God about how He could bring such people into our lives. We expect to be able to love just like Jesus because we pray for it, but when He throws us into the arena of life, we fail miserably.

Because we preach without practising, and we don't even realise it. Faith without works is dead.

I Think I Wanna Marry You

“Recreational dating is a heresy. It’s a phenomenon. I’ll have young men walk into my office, and they’ll have that look—they’re ‘in love’. They say, ‘Oh, you know, I’m just in love!’ And I’ll say, ‘Well, that’s absolutely wonderful. Why do you want to marry her?’ ‘Well, I want to marry her because she’s beautiful. Because when I’m with her, I just feel so good, and we can talk, and communicate…’

I look at him, and say, ‘What happens when someone else comes along that is more beautiful than she is—are you going to leave her? What happens when you can’t communicate with her, but you can communicate with the lady at the bank a lot better than you can with her—are you going to leave her?’

And I start go through these different things, and by the end, the young man discovers the only reason why he’s in this is to meet his self centred selfish desires.

And that’s what recreational dating is about. It’s about a young man, who has no business whatsoever even thinking about these things, wanting to be with someone of the opposite sex, and yet, unwilling to make the commitments that God requires.”

—Paul Washer

What is the purpose of flirting? I somehow don't think anyone should flirt unless their intent is to get into a relationship with that person, and then marry him/her. Because if marriage isn't the point of a relationship, then what exactly is the point of that relationship? To make us feel good about ourselves, that there's someone out there who, y'know, makes us feel like we're wanted, loved, adored? I think that just blatantly vomits out the fact that we're insecure and desperate for the security of being loved, as if we aren't already loved infinitely. If the intent of flirting is to get the other person to fall for you, but you have no interest of pursuing a relationship, much less marriage, then you've already paved the way for your brother/sister in Christ to stumble. You've already laid down the bricks to an emotional roller-coaster. "Does he think I'm pretty?", "Does she think I'm handsome?", "He's talking to her, he doesn't like me after all," "Oh my God she gave me a hug. She interested". And when you flip away like a double-sided coin and turn your affections to another, you've probably started something you could have avoided. Insecurities. Hurt. Jealousy. "I'm not good enough," "I will never be as pretty as her," "This is because I'm ugly." Flirting without a thought about what you could do emotionally or spiritually or physically to another does not show love. Love looks out for others. Love guards others. Love leads another on closer and closer towards Christ - not you.

Here's something short written by Leslie Ludy, a woman of God whose love story was one amazingly crafted by the Creator of romance Himself (I just bought her book and I can't wait to read it!). Her set apart life was one that ultimately honored God, and God blessed it hundred-fold in return.

Shortly before my love story with Eric began, he and my dad met together one morning at Perkins Family Restaurant. It was a memorable conversation, which greatly affected our relationship before it even started. My dad told Eric many things that day, but one statement in particular stood out, “I know that your friendship with Leslie is from God,” my dad said, “because ever since you have been in her life, she has drawn closer to Jesus Christ.”

Later, when I pondered those words, I was amazed at how true they were. Since the very first day I had met Eric Ludy, he had done nothing but inspire me to pursue more and more of my true Prince. He lived a life of passionate abandonment to his Lord. Following after Jesus Christ with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength seemed to be his sole preoccupation in life. Whenever I was around him, his spiritual fire seemed to ignite my own, and after being with him I would usually end up on my knees poring over my Bible, digesting all the new thoughts and insights he had inspired within me. Throughout our friendship, Eric had never attempted to draw my attention to himself, but always pointed me back to my true Prince, Jesus Christ. He actively helped me protect my inner sanctuary.

Even after our romance officially began, he continued to lead me right back into the arms of my Prince. As excited as I was about having Eric in my life, I learned not to lean on this newly discovered human love for my fulfillment and security. Though God had so faithfully blessed me with a beautiful human love story, it was still in my inner sanctuary of intimacy with Him that I found my reason to live. Even now, after years of marriage, Eric’s primary goal is to lead me closer and closer to Christ every day we are together. He continues to help me protect the most sacred part of who I am—my inner sanctuary of intimacy with my true Prince.

Every stage of a love story that is truly initiated by our Prince—both the friendship and the romance—only enhances our intimacy with Him. If a relationship is not leading us closer and closer to Him, it will quickly become just another one of the “other lovers” cluttering up our sanctuary. Sadly, too many of us begin to build an inner sanctuary for our Prince and then get thrown completely off course because of a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship might very well have been initiated by God, but the moment our focus moves from our Prince to a human love story is the moment we cease to guard our sanctuary, and our entire foundation for success crumbles into ashes. A relationship that leads us closer to our Prince and carefully protects our inner sanctuary is the key to discovering romance as it was truly intended to be—a little taste of heaven on earth.

I'm not being judgmental in this post, because everything that I've written serves as a reminder to me - What do my word, actions, motives, really mean? To glorify self, glorify man, or glorify the One that created it all? This week, a friend told me how someone had flirted with her, but he had no intention of anything at all. It just got me thinking about the purpose of flirting. Honestly, if you don't intend to pursue, don't flirt!

"Respect everyone, and love your Christian brothers and sisters. Fear God, and respect the king." {1 Peter 2:17}

"Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." {1 Corinthians 10:32-33}

Really Saying

It’s romantic to believe that the guy who calls and texts first, saves ‘I love you’ for you, covers you with his coat, cooks your favorite meal even if he’s allergic to it, and a flurry of other Hollywood montage moments will really fulfill you. Before we die, we want to visit Paris at night during Christmas and parasail over the Atlantic and sip wine on a hot air balloon — but you don’t really mean that.

What are you really saying? You want these things if the dude isn’t creepy, if the poor beggars in Paris do not intrude on your comfort, and as long as you don’t have to prepare a thing. A cute guy who texts you first is cute, but you change your philosophy when the dude is too nice or too short or has no jawline. Children are cute until you have to raise one — and kids are screwed up because we push our distorted view of idealism on them in place of real gritty sacrifice.

What you’re really saying is you demand a photoshopped dream, like the impossible make-up model on the cover of Maxim, to attain the highest degree of complacency at the least amount of effort for the easiest life possible. Your blog proves it.

We reveal our selfish hearts with a conditional wishlist that reads more like a bad movie script. Can you step back for a moment and examine what you really mean? And why you have these idealistic fantasies? And what your motives are? We buy into bizarre paradigms of romance and leisure and life without thinking to the bottom of them. You’ll find quickly that self-serving is not even good enough to serve yourself.

The wasted life wastes no time wasting it. The destined life invests time and makes it. You can cheat yourself to death simply by choosing the current convenient option. A life of non-committed fantasy is just a walking grave.


{Source: Tumblr}

Sketched this in the afternoon, but I'm not really liking it. I do like the pink hair, though (Come on, everyone thinks pink hair is cool). After not touching my tablet and drawing for a few months though, it did get me wondering. Wondering why some people are more artistically inclined than others, and why some others are more analytical in their ways. Or why some people can draw pretty decently but can't hold a tune to save their lives (I believe that's me, ha ha), or why some people can sing like an angel but have trouble drawing a stickman! I suppose that is exactly how God intended it to be, or else we would have no scientists or artists or mechanics or sculptors or accountants or singers.

"Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure." {Ephesians 1:4-5}

Hello everyone :) This school year is nearly over, just about a week left till school closes and its holidays till the next year rolls around! To be honest, I am so ridiculously excited for the next year, I just can't wait. Weird maybe, but I've got a feeling that God is doing something amazing. And probably even weirder, I can't wait for the exams, haha!

I've been reading a book lately, its called "Spirit-Controlled Temperament" by Tim LaHaye. Have you ever wondered why your character is the way it is? Like why you are so different from your best friends and how come the way you deal with certain situations is so different from others? That's because not all of us have the same temperament. Basically, temperament is what we are born with and what we have inherited from our parents and grandparents. It determines our traits and why some of us are more inclined to be hot-tempered or pessimistic or lazy! There are 4 main temperaments (Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholic, and Phlegmatic) and each person basically has a mix of two types of temperaments, where one is the dominant temperament and another is the secondary temperament. It's all a bit too long to get into, but if anyone is interested in knowing what type they are, you could tell me and I don't mind lending you the book or explaining!

The temperament types are amazingly accurate and the way they describe each temperament's strengths & weaknesses were spot on (Well, it was super accurate in describing me!). I, for one, am a Phlegmatic Choleric. Here's a short summary of the strengths and weaknesses of a Phlegmatic:

Strengths of a Phlegmatic:
1. Witty
- Phlegmatics have an unexcited sense of humour that keeps them from being intensely involved with life; they can often see humour in the most mundane experiences.
2. Dependable
- Always cheerful and good-natured, they can be depended upon to fulfill their obligations and time schedules. They always do what is expected or "the proper thing".
3. Efficient
- Since they are not emotionally stimulated to make sudden decisions, they find the practical way to accomplish an objective with the least amount of effort. Although they are not perfectionists, they have high standards of accuracy and precision.

Weaknesses of a Phlegmatic:
1. Slow & Lazy
- They are often accused of being 'dragging their feet'. Since they resent being stimulated to action against their will, they go along as slowly as they can. Their lack of motivation tends to make them spectators in life; they're inclined to do as little as necessary.
2. Tease
- Phlegmatics are annoyed by - and often confront - the aimless, restless enthusiasm of a Sanguine. they are disgusted by, and prone to ridicule, the gloomy moods of a Melancholic. They take great delight in throwing ice water on the bubbling plans of the ambitious Choleric.
3. Selfish & Stubborn
- They may love someone, but rarely let that person know it. This trait often becomes more apparent over time, as they learn to protect themselves from 'overinvolvement'. As they mature, they can learn to disguise their stubbornness through their easygoing good humour, while becoming even more stubborn. Instead of stamping their feet and saying, "I won't do that!", they are more apt to smile and graciously not do it.
4. Indecisive
- They are indecisive because of their desire to be people-pleasers. Also, even though they can analyze an situation and come to a practical method for achieving it, they often weigh the plan against whether or not they really want to get 'involved'.

Reading all this, I actually started laughing because it described me pretty accurately, especially the weaknesses. My mom is actually pretty worried about my "slow and easy-going" nature because I never want to be bothered about getting involved in life. She thinks that I will fail at life because I am so un-motivated to get involved and be active, and instead I just sigh and slough along. Then she nags and pesters me to be more motivated which causes me to resent that and as a result, I become slower! Hahaha :p Instead of stamping my feet and shouting out my resentment at being told to do something I don't want to do, I just nod in agreement and then... Not do it. Which saves my energy, too. Being a Phlegmatic Choleric, I can be a good leader when forced into it and I work well under extreme external pressure because I have so little internal motivation. Hmm, this book is pretty interesting in telling and explaining who you are and why you do the things you do - But most importantly, it shows you how the Holy Spirit is able to be at work in you, to change your weaknesses to be used for His glory. Its not just some pokey psychology book, but it is biblical in teaching, explaining how a Christian can not live his life by temperaments and emotions alone but by dependence and submission to Christ.

Interesting, no? :)

The Cure for Insecurity

Today’s women are desperately insecure. There is no question that our lives are teetering on the edge of disaster; that self-hatred, self-abuse, and self-destruction have become the norm among the female camp. And sadly, women in the church are struggling just as much as their non-Christian counterparts.

But the modern solution – the self esteem message – doesn’t provide lasting results against female insecurity. Why? Because the solution presented is all about self. Self-love, self-acceptance, and self-promotion. Love yourself. Be true to yourself. Live to yourself. Some of these messages even go as far as to say that by living this way, we will bring glory to God.

But what is the pattern of Scripture? Christ said, “Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.” (Mark 8:34 NKJV) The word “deny” here literally translates: to forget one’s self, lose sight of one’s self and one’s own interests.

We are meant to let all thoughts of self become swallowed up in Him. The secret to becoming the radiant, beautiful princess of our childhood dreams is forgetting all about our self and becoming completely consumed with only one thing – Jesus Christ. Just as John the Baptist who declared, “I must decrease, so that He might increase!” This isn’t just the secret to living out the true Gospel; it’s also the secret to glowing with divine loveliness. It’s the cure for female insecurity.

Think about it. A woman who has truly denied herself, taken up her cross, and become entirely consumed with Jesus Christ is not going to be an insecure young woman, starving herself and obsessed with making herself look more attractive. Rather, she’s so enraptured with Jesus Christ that she’s completely lost sight of herself. As Bishop Bardsley put it, “They care not at all what the world thinks of them, because they are entirely taken up with the tremendous realities of their King.” A woman who has yielded her selfish agenda to the Spirit of Jesus Christ, who does not listen to the voice of her self but yields only to the voice of her King is not going to become a sex object, throwing herself at guy after guy in desperation.

Her security comes from a completely different source. She doesn’t derive her value from the attention of guys. Her value comes from knowing she has been redeemed and loved by the King of all kings. Her focus is on His desires, not on her own selfish wants.

The women throughout Christian history who have truly glowed with heavenly beauty all had one thing in common – an emptying of self. They were so caught up in the things of God that they gave no thought to their own lives. They did not seek to draw eyes to themselves. The sought to bring glory to Jesus Christ alone. As a result, they were some of the most confident, poised and courageous women that have ever lived. They accomplished amazing things for the Kingdom of God. They saved lives. They stood before Kings. They rescued dying children. They reformed societies.

And they did it without spending their time and energy focused on self.

{by Leslie Ludy}

There used to be a time when I thought that the modern-day solution for self-esteem problems was to simply 'love yourself more' and 'not care about what other people think'. Looking back now, I'm glad Jesus has opened my eyes to see that loving yourself does not come from what I think I am or tell myself I am, but who I actually am in and through Him. Self-esteem does not come through feeding myself thoughts of how truly amazing I am, but by serving others in humbleness through the recognition of how truly amazing He is!

It is through serving that we stop thinking about our wants and needs, but focus on the needs of others - and I love how mind-blowingly the Word puts it: Philippians 2:3, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."

.... Don't be selfish.
Don't try to impress others.
Be humble.
Think of others as better than yourselves.

Wow. Wow. I love that. It just goes against every single thing the world teaches us to think!

Want to be a rebel? Read the Bible and do what it tells you to do.

“Over the years, like most women, there have been many times I’ve battled with a temptation toward insecurity. But here is what I’ve learned: Insecurity is simply an unhealthy focus on yourself, rather than a healthy focus on Jesus Christ.

It’s something the enemy can easily use to keep us turned inward rather than outward. Just like the temptation toward any sin, we must nip thoughts of insecurity in the bud the moment they begin to arise. As soon as the enemy comes in with whispers of, “Everyone is noticing your physical shortcomings. There is nothing attractive about you – no one wants to be around you,” our response must be immediate. Instead of entertaining those thoughts and meditating upon them, fight back with truth, Scripture and prayer.

We must remind the enemy (and ourselves) that we have been created in the image of God, that our life has been redeemed by the blood of Christ, and that we are precious in His sight.” -Leslie Ludy

What a beautiful Saviour
softly, softly now

What a glorious Father
gently, gently now

What a tender Shepherd
lovely, lovely now

Second chances
and a third
and a fourth
and a fifth
and so many more

Unending grace
Has called, is calling, will call

His Love catches me whenever I fall
Softly, softly
Gently, gently
Lovely, lovely

I love You

Mirrored

She sits and she watches. Bus number 77, route 9, Saturday 8:30 a.m. - Sitting. Watching. Her eyes rest on the people she has come to know by sight and by nature from the past few days, weeks, months. They do not see her looking but she looks at them seeing - 


Seeing what, exactly? The sweet, glazed stare of that old lady who sits and crochets a pink fluff of yarn, soon to become yet another scarf, another one too many for another niece. But she sees the pain flash by in those sweet, glazed eyes whenever a child passes her by. And she knows that the socks, the scarves, the mittens knitted, will never be used because those sweet, glazed eyes are alone and left in the world, aching for something that has passed her by. She sees the cold and hardy stare of that successful businessman who owns a company in the city, is never late for work, has a beautiful wife and even more beautiful children - yet she also sees beyond the lies and deceit of a perfect life when she overhears his conversations on the phone and knows that his beautiful wife does not have a beautiful life. She wonders if his wife knows about his beautiful secretary with her beautiful words, and she knows that he is wondering the exact same thing too. The pain of his realisation and knowing that what he is doing can only come to ruin, but he buries the pain with selfish arrogance and ignorance. She sees the casual indifference of the student who appears to not care that his life is falling apart and that the white substance he clings on to every day that seems to be the only thin threads holding him together - But she also sees his fear that another day might not come and the pain that grips him everywhere he goes because everywhere only serves to remind him that he's not all he thought he was. All the hurting from being rejected and thrown away and never being valued has settled deep into his heart and made it it's home.


Pain is home, and the hurting seems so familiar. And she sits. And she watches. And it helps her to know that she isn't the only one going through this.

I might be mad and I might be hurt but I refuse to ignore you. I will not turn away and flip my hair and stare impudently at you with lips cold as ice and face as hard as stone - No, you won't even know I'm hurt and mad and sore. All you need to do is mold another brick, brick by brick, onto those walls I tried so hard to break down. All you need to do is continue on in your laughter at my jokes and never see that this heart has learnt its lesson and cut all those ties with the people that never really cared anyway. All you need to do is be yourself.



Its not your fault, its mine. I'll take the blame for everything and I'll accept all that you have to say. It was always my fault anyway, wasn't it? If I hadn't. If I didn't. If I had done. If I.



So I'll take my hurts and count them one by one. I'll write them out because words help me to understand and words written can be erased, but words spoken are permanent. I'll write out all your words spoken and I'll erase them, maybe they'll be erased from my mind as well, but somehow I don't think so. I'll read the words I write, erase, and write some more. The grip of the pencil brings a sense of familiarity, the wood so reassuringly sturdy - but then again, a pencil is so easily broken by a fall. So what else is there to be said of the strongest of all structures when even a reliable pencil sculpted from the pulp of a majestic tree can be broken in a split second? But I still write because I'm so full of



wistful thoughts and the

twisting of words and the

blowing of the wind and



I will still continue to br



ea



the

His hope, the anchor for our soul

Ever had those moments when the people whom you thought would always be there for you, turned out to be among the first to leave? Those moments when you had a glimmer of hope in something only to have it dashed. And it brings to mind the breaking of waves on the shore. The life a wild flower - here in this instance, gone the next. But what can I say? Aren't we all alike? So unwittingly human in our perspectives and selfish desires. So unaware. So ignorant.

"Child, as long as you keep allowing yourself to be broken by the things of this world, you will continue to be broken. And as long as you keep looking to the world, you will keep, and keep, and keep on, being hurt. Child - look to Me. Allow Me to be your love. See, I am holding out My arms - Let Me."

I've been broken by the things of the world - Unaware that He was broken for me! Now I'm learning one thing.. Hoping in the things offered by the world will only leave me hurting and disappointed at the things that could have been, but didn't, and never will.

There's a Love that never fails, waiting with open arms. And yet sometimes we unwittingly turn away from the only Love that could ever satisfy, just to look for cheap thrills. And cheap thrills is exactly what it is when it isn't saturated with Him.

Psalms 101:2 "I will ponder the way that is blameless. Oh when will You come to me? I will walk with integrity of heart within my house"

"The truest measure of a person's spiritual health is taken in the home. We can be a spiritual superstar at our work, in our community, at school, and even in our church... But it's who we are at home that tells the real story of who we are.

Home is where we tend to close the door and surround ourselves with people we aren't compelled to impress. Home is where we feel we can let our guard down and take all the filters off. Home is the place where the real us finally emerges, shedding the skin of who we portray ourselves to be... And quite often, there's a dramatic difference between the two.

The Psalmist wrote that he would walk in his house with a perfect (or upright) heart. Can we say the same thing? Is our commitment to the things of God the same at home as it is elsewhere? Do our personal lives reflect the same devotion and obedience as our public lives? Does grace continue to be the overriding principle in what we do and say to others once we've shut the front door? Are we honoring our spouse, children, and parents in the way the Lord calls us to?

If not, why not make it so? Why don't we determine to burn brightest in our passion for Jesus at home? Whether we're single, married, with or without children... Why not invest our best in the place that reveals and defines us most clearly? For when we're right with God at home, we'll be right outside of it.

Lord, bring a spiritual revival to our homes. Make us into men and women who honor You there first and foremost. Build families that are solid and burn bright for You, and don't let us ever forget that it's who we are at home that's who we really are.

The truest measure of a person's spiritual health is taken in the home. We can be a spiritual superstar at our work, in our community, at school, and even in our church... But it's who we are at home that tells the real story of who we are."

I read this note one day while I was reading through the Bible notes written by other people on the YouVersion application and it struck something in my heart - this is so true. When we are at home, we are surrounded by the people that we've grown up with, that has known our character since young, and we don't have the need to impress our family members. Home is where we throw off all that we try to portray to the world and become our true self! So how exactly do we act at home?

Here are some questions I asked myself.
1. Am I obedient to my parents just as the Word commands, or am I rude, disobedient, careless, disrespectful towards them?
2. Am I loving, caring and willing to do all things in love for my family members - Or only just to those outside my family?
3. Are my words at home reflective of my words outside the home, when I am in church or with church members?
4. Am I patient, respectful, willing to offer even my 'other cheek' when I am being 'slapped' by my family members - Or does that rule only apply to those outside my family?

All actions start from the heart - and remember the saying, "Home is where the heart is"? ;) have a blessed week!

Through it all, I know My Jesus is able to work through things that are falling apart His Light shines through most when we are at the very least of ourselves That's when we rely on God to be His very most.

Why do we always worry about things, no matter whether it's big or small? Something wrong happens and it gets out attention and we can't seem to stop worrying about it. We can't stop thinking about it. We can't see the big picture that even if we make a mistake - that mistake is not going to cancel out God's plan for our lives, instead it is used for His purpose. Mistakes we make are not as influential towards our future as we think, you know? Things might happen in the world, but it is God's purpose that prevails (Proverbs 16:33, "The dice are thrown, but the Lord determines every outcome."), everytime.

Let's say, for example, I failed a major exam due to my own faults (procrastination, laziness). Because I failed that major exam, it probably could have a bad impact on my future (Eg. Colleges/universities might not want to accept me because of that failing mark)... ... BUT. God is greater than our mistakes. The future God has for us is not dependent on our success or failures. Even when we fail, God's purposes for our lives are not damaged in any way and our future is not daunted.

He says that all our days were already ordained by Him, written in His book, before one of them even came to be! (Psalms 139:16). So we need to wake up each day with the certainty and knowledge that, yes indeed, today and everything I am going to do today has already been planned by the Father and written in His book and ordained by Him, all in conformity with His plan to bring glory to His name!

He says, Child, I do not give to you as the world gives. (John 14:27) Be strengthened in heart, He has overcome the world! God has overcome the world and everything in it, He is so much greater than the principalities that govern the world. The world constantly gives us pressure, stress, frustrations, temptations, worries, uncertainties, even more pressure - but He says that he does not give to us as the world does. He gives us heavenly food, manna from heaven that is able to satisfy our souls. He tells us to cast all our burdens and frustrations on Him, because He cares for us. He cancels out our fear with His perfect love and grants us hope with things seem dark. God is the opposite of what the world is - and we cannot serve the world and God at the same time. God is the complete and total contrast of what the World is; whatever the world seems to throw at you, God gives the opposite.

What other God would tell you to offer your right cheek if you were slapped on the left? To love and pray for your enemies instead of hate, to carry a load for someone for an extra mile, or even two, without being asked? To give not only what you were being sued for, but more? The World constantly asks us to take, take, take - but the Word tells us to give, give, give. We receive good things from God, and in turn, we give out what we have abundantly received to others.

Walking steadfastly after God might seem hard at times, but it is all always worth it. The road may be narrow at times, but it is always straight with God. He is the Word, and the Word is a light unto our feet and a lamp unto our path - He shines forth from the darkness and makes straight the path for us. He is our God, He is our Father.. I am so grateful.

1 - 8 . 10 . 2011

I'm the one with the fry in my mouth. Sometimes when I'm talking with friends, I wonder where we will all be in 5 years and if we will all still be the same. It's exciting when I know that God has it all mapped out for us, He's got all the roads we will ever walk on planned out. I was meditating on Ephesians last night and this morning and my mind was blown away by what His word says - "In Him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of Him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of His will, in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of His glory." He will work everything out not only just for our good, but also for the good of those around us. And what He works out in our lives will be on par with His plans that in the end, His name is glorified.

This is my table in my room, where I study and spend my quiet time. Can you spot the panda keychain Gloria got me from China, the pretty flower-nuts Evan gave me from his backyard and the cow sticker I took from my brother? One of my favourite things to do is sit at my table with a warm drink and spend some time with my Father. Also, I like my highlighters. They are so colourful, like the rainbow.

Hmm, here is my exam schedule and a few hundred more things I'm supposed to finish up by this month. I am not daunted, Jesus' got this for me. He's got this. "Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence." {Jeremiah 17:7} I'm blessed in my studies because of His grace. I know, I know, I know, I know, with every single thought in my mind that my brain is able to churn out, that the fruits of my studies are the result of His grace and everlasting loving-kindness. He multiplies my effort, because it is the very nature of God to bless.

"God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace He has poured out on us, who belong to his dear Son." {Ephesians 1:5-6} Don't ever declare with your mouth that you are not blessed - You are. Infinitely blessed.

In my brother's sweater that I think isn't even his.. But I'd rather not think of where it came from. Here is a beautiful reminder of how intimately your Father knows you - "And the very hairs on your head are all numbered." {Matthew 10:30}

“A woman is not born a woman. Nor does she become one when she marries a man, bears a child and does their dirty linen, not even when she joins a women’s liberation movement. A woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be.”

//Learning to be a Woman", Kenneth G. and Floy Smith

 I've been told many times, "Wait, you're not a woman... You're a girl still." I agree that I'm still a girl, but what really defines that line where a girl steps over into womanhood? Is a girl a woman after the age of 18, 19, 20? Is a girl a woman after her body has developed fully in it's curves and beauty? Is a girl a woman when she gets a boyfriend, fiancé, marries?

Thinking about these things.. I think turning into a woman is a process. Where she continually gives God all she has everyday, clinging on to that Beautiful Hope no matter what comes her way - Reminding, reminding, reminding herself that the Lord is her Rock and strong tower to which she runs to. A process where God is the center, where God is the light, where He is the foundation, and He is in control of molding & shaping her life. It's a life beautifully surrendered to the ways of God; a woman becomes a woman when she becomes what God wants her to be. 

Though in the physical sense, a woman is a woman when she's transitioned through childhood and adolescence, God's word clearly shows us that our spiritual state does not age as our physical state does. If Paul even addressed the Corinthian church as 'spiritual babies' then our spiritual self could pretty well be babies too despite our age!

God doesn't define beauty, love, manliness, femininity, and godliness according to the world's definition. And He sure doesn't define "womanhood" or "manhood" according to what the world thinks it is, either.

Seeking God's plan for our lives and allowing Him to shape us will turn us into men and women who live for God and do things that glorify His name - yet, are we still spiritual babies?

////

One annoyingly bright and cheery morning, on the way to school, a chipper and fresh-faced girl was looking out the car's window admiring the birds of the sky....... ......OK yeah who am I kidding. I was grumpy from lack of sleep and totally looking at my reflection in the window. Wondering again how some people manage to look amazing in school (and then there's people like me). I bent my head for a second to adjust a stray piece of hair then flipped my head back to look at my reflection again (don't judge me!) but I didn't see myself. Instead, God decided to smack me in the face with a glimpse of His handiwork - beautiful shining rays of orange and yellow breaking through the blue, blue skies. Smack dab in my face. I had turned expecting to find my face but ended up with a face-full of God and His amazing gift of grace to us each and every day.

It was like a reminder from God.
About His faithfulness and gorgeous creativity.
He's there every morning making the sun come out,
painting the skies a different hue each day,
His creativity is seen in every face and being.


Child,
look beyond yourself
and to Me.

His Love for Me

"Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God."  (II Corinthians 3:5)

"..for in Him we live and move and exist ..." (Acts 17:28)

Jesus Christ is in my life . . . 
there is no other.
The thought of  spending a single day
outside His love
His gentleness
His tenderness
His understanding
His power
is not only frightening
it causes me to despair
to become weak with hopelessness.

How could I ever meet "today"
if I had to do it alone?
For not only do I draw from His strength
but I grasp for His
faithfulness to me
His complete acceptance of me
the peace that I find only in His presence.
For, you see, I've come to accept myself because of Him.
I find that I do those things
which are kind and good loving others
while I bask in His love for me!

All I am or ever hope to be
lies in Him.
Without Him -- I am nothing.
With Him -- I am everything.
And when I am not "everything"

 He loves me still.


Lifetime daily devotions day 13

Dear Lord,

AAAAAAAHH! HELP! Oh please, oh please, oh please. I know I said that if you helped me get though that last test, that I’d never ask you for anything ever again. But here I am. In fact, I’m starting to re-think this whole bargaining system. I can’t seem to hold up my end. I keep needing you to bail me out. Let’s face it, I totally depend on you.

I’m starting to think that’s how you like it.

Anyway, I could have studied harder. I know that’s always true, but, ya know. I could have paid more attention, I could have taken more notes, I could have thought less about all the hotties in my school. Dang. I dunno. I just need you. Not just for this test, but for everything.

Please help me to relax, to focus, and to remember stuff. If you could stop me from beating up on myself, I think that might help a lot. Sometimes the pressure just feels like it’s going to overwhelm me. I know that you have my back and that you prepare a path before me, but things can really get to me sometimes. Deep down I know that if I’ve got you, I can handle whatever comes my way, so let’s do this!

Amen

/////

To one of God's creations, wonderfully & fearfully made in His image

It saddens me to see that you would choose to pursue me with such a cheap romance. I am worth that much? Or in more suitable words, am I really worth that little? It saddens me to see that I would be considered as like a piece of candy on the store's rack where you pick and choose as you please. Did you realise that when you looked at me, you were looking at one of God's creations, handpicked specially by Him for His purpose? Did you see that as you decided to choose the Internet as communication over talking face-to-face made the value of your words lesser? An email is too easy, words are cheap when you’re safely hidden behind a computer screen. What really is my value in your eyes? Did your eyes wander and did your mind lust when I walked past you; did your imagination fantasize of what it would be like if I was yours? Perhaps that sounded too vulgar, but sin is vulgar and you cannot sugar coat it. But be honest with yourself, is a lady to you just another person created to fulfill your selfish desires? Or else what is the purpose of pursuing a relationship when there is no firm foundation or common ground that leads to commitment and marriage? I ask myself these things as I watch you and as I hear you talk to others about other beautiful creations of God. There is no respect, there is no brotherly love, there is no realisation that God is their Father. You didn't see me listen, but I heard. Heard enough to have my heart break that I could be degraded to such a point where it seems like I am no longer special or uniquely sculpted by the master Painter, but just another girl you lust after to have your desires fulfilled...

There is a difference between a man who thinks that he is God’s gift to women, and a man who remembers that woman was God’s gift to man. I will be praying for you, dear child of God.

From
The girl that did not forget to reply

"So let us know, let us press on to know the Lord. His going forth is as certain as the dawn, And He will come to us like the rain, Like the spring rain watering the earth." -Hosea 6:3

Lord, I want to talk with You this morning.

The verse says that Your "going forth" is as certain as the dawn, so I'm confident that You're here with me. And this bare winter ground is ready to drink in the early rain with a soft, pliable heart--and with her face upturned.

Your Word tells me that You know my every thought, so You must be available to me. You're ready to converse with me on a lot of subjects that no one knows about except You--very personal, very deep subjects that I wouldn't want to share with anyone else. You know what I'm thinking. You know what I would like to say but can't. You know why I'm hesitant to bring up certain thoughts. You know me.

The question I'm concerned about is this: Am I available to You? Do I know You well enough to talk with You?

Well, Your Word is You. Your thoughts, written down. But sometimes You place a distinct thought between the lines and say to me, "Do you understand this verse, Anabel? Let Me explain it to you." Or, "Can You see this from My perspective?"

Sometimes You draw a mental picture for me that opens a file I had never thought of opening, making a passage relevant to me and to my world--now. How I love for You to do that . . . and I start cross-referencing, probing, finding out what Your thoughts are about the subject, getting to know You a little better.

I really don't want to spend our time together telling You about all my problems and making suggestions as to how You should take care of them. You know my needs before I even ask.

No, this time is just for You and for me. I want to know You, Lord. I want to be able to converse with You on some of Your favorite topics. Please talk to me. I love being with You and listening to Your voice.

And thank You, Lord Jesus, for making this awesome, powerful, infinite, all-knowing God an approachable Father.

///Day 9, Lifetime Daily Devotions

 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be. 

To the Apple of My Eye

I look at you and I think, wow, what a beauty. I love the way your falls into that state where it's neither waves, nor is it straight, but its just. Your hair. Do you know that I keep count of every strand? And I know which strands are ebony black, and which ones are slightly brown, and which ones are just brown. I think your eyes are beautiful, even if you look into the mirror and to you, all you see are just two black dots staring back at you - I look into your eyes and I see all the tears you've ever cried; yes, every single teardrop shed. I look deeper into your eyes and to Me, they are just like the stars I first created at the beginning of time where the blank skies were the beginning of my masterpiece. You are my masterpiece. I love the way your skin browns so easily; did you know that that was how I intended it to be from the very moment that I decided I was going to create you? The moment your form was in my mind, I was delighted. I couldn't wait to breathe life into you and bring you into this world, knowing that you would belong to Me and I would have the ultimate pleasure of guiding you, working all things out for your good. I laughed with the angels, I grabbed them by the shoulders and danced jubilantly around Heaven; I couldn't stop telling them about the wonderful person I was going to create, that was you! The angels simply couldn't understand my excitement, but they must be pretty used to My kind of behavior by now. Imagine my elation when you were finally brought into the world, your very first cries were like notes of joy to my ears. I couldn't help but waltz around Heaven again, enchanted by how wonderful the works of My hands were.

I never tire of looking at you, listening to your voice, waiting for you. Each time I look at you is just like the first time I saw you in my minds eye - perfect; fearfully and wonderfully made. I know my works are wonderful too, I never ever make mistakes. Do you know how much I delight in you? When you make certain choices that go against society's norm because your first thought was to please me - My heart swells with delight. I balloon up with love and joy like that silly pufferfish I created when I see you faithfully read My word and seek Me, and I think the angels are tired of Me telling them all the time at how much I love it when you sing to Me a love song from your heart. Everything that you pour out from your heart to give to Me, I diligently take. I look at you and I can't believe I had it in Me to create such a treasured possession - I can't help it but love you. It's who I am. I love you with all I am.

Your everlasting Lover, Sustainer, Restorer, Teacher, Father, King -
Jesus.

He's the God of yesterdays, todays & tomorrows

In the end, all you can give God is today. Yesterday is gone, so let it go. You can make vows about tomorrow, but you can’t fulfill that vow until you get there, so what difference does that make?

It’s about today. Give God today. Who knows what tomorrow brings, but you can endure anything for one day. And at the end of the day, when you’ve stuck to whatever change you wanted to make, come up with some little thing to reward yourself. Celebrate your victory, and give thanks to God.

You might think strong Christians are people who sorely grieve over their defeats. You’d be dead wrong. Those people wallow forever without getting anywhere. Strong Christians are ones who know how to celebrate victories and move from strength to strength.

And when you stumble, the main thing is to focus on gaining wisdom.

But instead of looking deeply into these stumbles for insight, you’ve turned your head away in shame, time and again. Learn from your mistakes (by seeking Godly wisdom), celebrate your victories (giving credit to God where it’s due), and take your time.

God is not in a hurry.

////

"I will bless the Lord at all times"

 The most important decision we make on a day-to-day basis is our choice of an attitude. It either keeps us moving ahead or cripples our progress. When our attitude is right, there is no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme and no challenge too great.. Especially when we've got the God of all creation on our side.

You know, God could be working earth-shattering miracles right before your eyes in the supernatural, but you'll never be able to get a glimpse of it if your attitude is that of a wounded, irritable, miserable hamster, angry at the world or everyone around you and asking God why He lets certain things happen.

Did you know that

(1) Gratitude is an attitude
King David said, "I will bless the Lord at all times..." *Psalms 34:1. What does it mean to bless the Lord? It means to speak well of his greatness and goodness. It is almost synonymous with praise. Psalms 34:1 puts them together like this: “I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.” And notice the word mouth. “His praise shall continually be in my mouth.” Blessing the Lord means speaking or singing about the goodness and greatness of the Lord.

It wasn't an impulse or a reaction to some circumstance, it was a choice he made!

Thank God for all He's done for you, even when feelings or circumstances seem bad.
I think we all need a reminder to just take some time to stop for a while when we catch ourselves slipping into an 'attitude' and say - Lord, I choose to give You praise!



//UCB UK, DesiringGod

I see the filth on my hands and the dirt and oil under my fingernails and I scrape it out and spread it on my arms and I scream at you “See? Don’t you see? I did this. I chose this. Let me go.” Like I try to prove to you you made a mistake. Like I try to prove to you that you should just leave me here. Like I try to prove to you that you don’t want me, you only think you do. Like they all have.

You get so fractured that you decide to refuse to accept love. It’s much easier to stay in your little empty fortress. Solitary. Out of disbelief. Untrusting. Others have entered and promised to stay and promised they were allies over and over and meant it but instead they changed their minds. They set fire to your house in the night and fled. Trojan horse. Ambush.

But when I refuse love I refuse you because that’s what you are. Even when I slam the door in your face and lean against it and cry. Even when you send others to knock and show me that I can open it again and I just stand there with my attitude and my sarcasm and my jokes and my pretending, I am yours and you dont need a door. I am yours and the door has no locks. I am yours and I will not flee and crawl out the window because it’s dark outside and I cant see anything without you. I spread oil on my arms and tried to prove to you I was dirty because I never believe you when you tell me I’m not.You wrapped me in warm cloths soaked in blood and when you took them off I was porcelain and I cried for hours because you meant it. You locked the door behind you when you came in and stood there for me. Solid. Unchanging. Even when I don’t believe it.

////////

Everyone is somehow asking me if I'm okay and I'm not sure how to reply. Is it possible for me to be okay and yet at the same time not okay? I'm broken, tired and hurt, but at the same time I have never known such joy, peace and rest. I'm still learning, definitely - I just need Him more.

God will make everything beautiful at the Right Place,
at the Right Time,
for the Best Reason.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion... therefore I will wait for Him. {Lamentations 3:24}

Jesus: Beloved, it's alright. You don't need to love me. Because what matters is My love for you. I know what is best for you, and these walls I will break down one-by-one with My love. I will teach you... to trust Me. Because I never fail, no, not even once. I will keep loving and helping and teaching you over and over and over and over and over again until You are so assured and so secure with My love and who I Am and who You Are in Me. But right now - just know that I will never let you go. Cast all your burdens on Me, I give you rest.

Joy unspeakable, never lets me go! Its nice knowing that I don't even have to try :) God loves me for who I am, victory in Christ!