“Recreational dating is a heresy. It’s a phenomenon. I’ll have young men walk into my office, and they’ll have that look—they’re ‘in love’. They say, ‘Oh, you know, I’m just in love!’ And I’ll say, ‘Well, that’s absolutely wonderful. Why do you want to marry her?’ ‘Well, I want to marry her because she’s beautiful. Because when I’m with her, I just feel so good, and we can talk, and communicate…’
I look at him, and say, ‘What happens when someone else comes along that is more beautiful than she is—are you going to leave her? What happens when you can’t communicate with her, but you can communicate with the lady at the bank a lot better than you can with her—are you going to leave her?’
And I start go through these different things, and by the end, the young man discovers the only reason why he’s in this is to meet his self centred selfish desires.
And that’s what recreational dating is about. It’s about a young man, who has no business whatsoever even thinking about these things, wanting to be with someone of the opposite sex, and yet, unwilling to make the commitments that God requires.”
—Paul Washer
What is the purpose of flirting? I somehow don't think anyone should flirt unless their intent is to get into a relationship with that person, and then marry him/her. Because if marriage isn't the point of a relationship, then what exactly is the point of that relationship? To make us feel good about ourselves, that there's someone out there who, y'know, makes us feel like we're wanted, loved, adored? I think that just blatantly vomits out the fact that we're insecure and desperate for the security of being loved, as if we aren't already loved infinitely. If the intent of flirting is to get the other person to fall for you, but you have no interest of pursuing a relationship, much less marriage, then you've already paved the way for your brother/sister in Christ to stumble. You've already laid down the bricks to an emotional roller-coaster. "Does he think I'm pretty?", "Does she think I'm handsome?", "He's talking to her, he doesn't like me after all," "Oh my God she gave me a hug. She interested". And when you flip away like a double-sided coin and turn your affections to another, you've probably started something you could have avoided. Insecurities. Hurt. Jealousy. "I'm not good enough," "I will never be as pretty as her," "This is because I'm ugly." Flirting without a thought about what you could do emotionally or spiritually or physically to another does not show love. Love looks out for others. Love guards others. Love leads another on closer and closer towards Christ - not you.
Here's something short written by Leslie Ludy, a woman of God whose love story was one amazingly crafted by the Creator of romance Himself (I just bought her book and I can't wait to read it!). Her set apart life was one that ultimately honored God, and God blessed it hundred-fold in return.
Shortly before my love story with Eric began, he and my dad met together one morning at Perkins Family Restaurant. It was a memorable conversation, which greatly affected our relationship before it even started. My dad told Eric many things that day, but one statement in particular stood out, “I know that your friendship with Leslie is from God,” my dad said, “because ever since you have been in her life, she has drawn closer to Jesus Christ.”
Later, when I pondered those words, I was amazed at how true they were. Since the very first day I had met Eric Ludy, he had done nothing but inspire me to pursue more and more of my true Prince. He lived a life of passionate abandonment to his Lord. Following after Jesus Christ with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength seemed to be his sole preoccupation in life. Whenever I was around him, his spiritual fire seemed to ignite my own, and after being with him I would usually end up on my knees poring over my Bible, digesting all the new thoughts and insights he had inspired within me. Throughout our friendship, Eric had never attempted to draw my attention to himself, but always pointed me back to my true Prince, Jesus Christ. He actively helped me protect my inner sanctuary.
Even after our romance officially began, he continued to lead me right back into the arms of my Prince. As excited as I was about having Eric in my life, I learned not to lean on this newly discovered human love for my fulfillment and security. Though God had so faithfully blessed me with a beautiful human love story, it was still in my inner sanctuary of intimacy with Him that I found my reason to live. Even now, after years of marriage, Eric’s primary goal is to lead me closer and closer to Christ every day we are together. He continues to help me protect the most sacred part of who I am—my inner sanctuary of intimacy with my true Prince.
Every stage of a love story that is truly initiated by our Prince—both the friendship and the romance—only enhances our intimacy with Him. If a relationship is not leading us closer and closer to Him, it will quickly become just another one of the “other lovers” cluttering up our sanctuary. Sadly, too many of us begin to build an inner sanctuary for our Prince and then get thrown completely off course because of a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship might very well have been initiated by God, but the moment our focus moves from our Prince to a human love story is the moment we cease to guard our sanctuary, and our entire foundation for success crumbles into ashes. A relationship that leads us closer to our Prince and carefully protects our inner sanctuary is the key to discovering romance as it was truly intended to be—a little taste of heaven on earth.
I'm not being judgmental in this post, because everything that I've written serves as a reminder to me - What do my word, actions, motives, really mean? To glorify self, glorify man, or glorify the One that created it all? This week, a friend told me how someone had flirted with her, but he had no intention of anything at all. It just got me thinking about the purpose of flirting. Honestly, if you don't intend to pursue, don't flirt!
"Respect everyone, and love your Christian brothers and sisters. Fear God, and respect the king." {1 Peter 2:17}
"Do not cause anyone to stumble, whether Jews, Greeks or the church of God— even as I try to please everyone in every way. For I am not seeking my own good but the good of many, so that they may be saved." {1 Corinthians 10:32-33}
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