2011 Resolutions

This is a tough one you know! I really love doing resolutions, but I don't like to be super specific with them because I end up never fulfilling them haha. For the upcoming year, all I really want is to be the perfect faithful daughter (which is impossible haha!) and to have a closer relationship with God. I know my Christian walk with Him will never be perfect, there will be times where I feel like He's not even there for me (which isn't true, He's always there!) but I just want to be a faithful daughter, ready to do His work and walk in His will. Although all I can do is pray that He gives me the faith, strength, boldness and love to do whatever He wants me to do, I'm really excited for the new year with Him! Even though Resolutions aren't something that you have to live by, I feel that resolutions are there to remind you what your purposes are (Although sometimes God has a way of changing your purposes...) & what you're aiming for.

In all the things I do; be it serving, worshiping, helping, talking, making new friends, studies, everything; I just really wanna do it like I'm doing it for God! Like wholeheartedly. Its hard, especially when maybe you're working with people you don't like, or you're doing something you don't like, or you're just plain tired and worn out..

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. (Colossians 3:15-17)

But there you have it in the Bible :) Do all things for God. For 2011, I want to do all things for God. It ain't gonna be easy and I'll most probably definitely fail, but with Jesus all things are possible ;)

End-of-Year Tag :)

So I did this tag at the end of 2008 and at the end of 2009, time to do it again :)

In 2010...

Did you do something you would never do?
Well yeah, now that I think of it. Brought my Bible to school, discussed Christianity in class & prayed with my friends in school. I would have never imagined I would do something as crazy as that this year..

Did you keep any New Year's Resolutions?
I had to really go dig into my journal to find my 2010 Resolutions! My resolution this year was to Live by God's Word. Now that I look back, I don't really get what I wrote LOL. What does it even mean to live by God's word?

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Erm.. No.

Did anyone close to you die?
No.

Did you visit any countries?
No.

What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Hmm! A closer relationship with Jesus? :D

Will any date from 2010 stay etched in your memory forever?
Oh.. Yes :)

What was your biggest achievement of 2010?
Straight A's for PMR? FINALLY AN ACHIEVEMENT IN MY LIFE! i have sadly not a lot of achievements....

What was your biggest failure?
Not sure. Err. Probably the piano lol

Did you suffer illness or injury?
I got sick a lot of times this year :( I think I had fever about 4 or 5 times.

What was the best thing you bought in '09?
Jeans! Yay!

Did your behavior change over the year?
Yeah..

Where did you spend most of your money?
Buying gifts for friends haha. AND MOSTLY FOOD. GEEZZZZ.

Are you happier than this time last year?
Yeah, I think I am :)

What song will remind you of 2010?
No special song! I don't listen to music sadly.

What do you wish you would have done more of?
Hmmm :) Praying?

What do you wish you would have done less of?
Computer!

What did you do for Christmas '10?
I spent countdown with EmBaCy youth :) And the rest of the day at home till Church!

Did you fall in love in 2010?
I fell in love with Jesus all over again..

Did you get your heart broken in 2010?
Got my heart broken by Jesus too :) But for all the good reasons.

Cried over a guy/girl?
Haha yeah! Funniest thing ever. I remember slapping Othniel too and crying after that because he scared me. Does that count?

Favorite TV programs of '10?
I... sadly do not watch tv.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No :)

What was the best book you read and/or movie you saw?
The Bible! I hardly watched movies this year lol. Can't even remember the last movie I watched.

What was your greatest discovery?
That YESSSSS, JESUS LOVES ME~

What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I was 15 on the 14th of July! I don't recall doing much :) Went to school. I remember Eric not giving me a present.....

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I think this year has been really satisfying!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2010?
"If its not comfortable....... Don't wear it."

Which explains why I was in tees and jeans/shorts the whole year round except during christmas where I finally wore a dress.

Friends

Who was the best new person you met?
Jesus! Haha!

Who did you wish you did not meet?
Lol I'm glad I met everyone that I met this year :)

Who was your best friend?
Jesus :)

Who was your enemy?
Oh I don't know... I don't think I have one. Satan? :)

Who do you miss?
Schoolmates! I haven't seen them for like 3 months!

Who will you never forget?
I'll never forget everyone hahahaha

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010:
LISTEN TO THE HOLY SPIRIT. JUST SHUT UP AND FREAKING LISTEN AND DO WHAT THE HOLY SPIRIT TELLS YOU TO DO, OR ELSE MAJOR REGRETS ARE GONNA HAPPEN.

What will you always remember about 2010?
Oh.. How Jesus has worked :)

Aspirations for 2011...

What do you want to do in '11 that you couldn't in '10?
Everything that I didn't do in 2010!

Any resolutions?
I'll be thinking about it ;)

What different thing will be about 2011 than 2010?
I'm not sure :) But one things for sure - 2011 is gonna be a year of huge surprises from God!! I'm so excited!

Anything you want to change about yourself for 2011?
Yeeeeeah hehe I believe God will be the one doing the transforming

Do you want to make more friends in 2011?
Why of course!

Things I've learnt this year.

1) God can make a miracle out of a mess
I'll admit that as much as I (and most of the world) try to attain perfection, I cannot. I'm a hypocrite, a liar, a gossip, a slanderer, everything that God warned us not to be - I'm a sinner. And yet, Jesus came to wash away my sins and to transform & change my heart from the inside out. Thats miracle-out-of-a-mess number 1, and I'm still trying to comprehend that. I've made so many mistakes, Jesus was there every single time to pick me up and wrap me in His unfailing love.. Every single time I made a wrong decision that I thought was unfixable, God came and amazed me with a miracle that only He could be capable of :)

"Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, 'My foot is slipping!,' Your love supported me. When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul." (Psalms 94:17-19)

2) Jesus loves me as I am, He is crazily in love with me
This would be one of the obstacles I've come across in my Christian walk - Understanding, accepting, and believing that God made me as I am & that I am the apple of His eye :) That He actually loves me (literally to die for!) because He made me with His own hands. He's taught me a lot about myself! I used to have a hard time loving other people, but He has opened my eyes & changed my heart. We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19) and that is really really true. I cannot even make claims that "I Love," or that I know love, or that I understand love. but yes, I am learning about Love; I am learning to love - out of the heart of God :) Every single time I took a step of faith and trusted Him, I could feel His joy that I was willing to give Him bit-by-bit of my heart. Jesus literally rejoices in the Heavens with the angels when You decide to make Him the number one thing in your life above everything else... Trust me :)

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in You, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

3) He was always there, and He always will be
This is pretty self explanatory... He's always there. And it became so real to me that He is real when I started seeking Him. Its true when the bible says seek Him and He will be found by you. This year He was there in the little things and the big things and the important things and the unimportant things, and I saw God's faithfulness as He walked beside me the whole way.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." (James 1:17)

So far those 3 things are what stood out for me the most this year. Its different for everyone, but I'm sure we can all agree that our God is a miracle-maker, a wonderful lover & a faithful father! Am I right, or am I right? ;)

Its coming to the end of the year 2010. The end of the year is something I always look forward to, as a time of reflection on the year that has just passed & the anticipation of the new and fresh year that is to come! Looking back on my journal this year, I realise God has brought me through every single situation and He was always there for me even when I didn't know it :) Here are pieces of my heart from each month taken from my journal. Each piece is precious, although sometimes painful just like glass shards are, nevertheless there is beauty in each moment.

7th March 2010, Sunday.

Pastor Ben came and prayed for me. The words he spoke were things I didn't even consider important in my life, but when he said them they cut right to the heart. He said I shouldn't find my value in other people. My value is not found in what other people think and say of me, my value is in Christ Jesus. He said sometimes I look at other people and wish I were like them. I wish I looked like them or acted like them. But thats wrong - I should not be trying to find my identity in other people because my identity is in Christ.. And that is amazingly true.

29th April 2010, Thursday.

Once again, I am so amazed by God's perfect love. I'm in awe that someone as pure & perfect as Him would actually die for my sake. Someone who was righteous in every way came and died for a sinner like me. Hows that for unconditional love? His love, grace and peace has no boundaries and I'm so glad that I have Him living in me!

30th June 2010, Wednesday.

Waking up early to read the Bible these past 2 days has been absolutely tiring.. I have to constantly ask for strength. As I read the bible, I see many things. All the rulers who were successful in their reign did these things

1. Humbled themselves
2. Repented and
3. Offered sacrifices / Rebuilt the temple of the Lord

I guess this really shows something and speaks to me. If I am ever going to be successful, I cannot do it without humbling myself, repenting and sacrificing my idols.

14th August 2010, Saturday.

Tania and I got into a discussion about our walk with God and we shared some bible verses. Tania suddenly told me she thinks God is telling her to tell me that I should persevere and it really did touch my heart. Somehow I realise that I cannot rely on my emotions and I cannot rely on my feelings, but I have to rely on God's faithfulness. He is faithful when He says He will never leave us not forsake us, even when we're dry. He wants me to depend on Him and entirely Him.... and He makes it so real in my life when He said, "Apart from Me, you can do nothing."

28th September 2010, Tuesday.

Jeremiah 42:6. I've been telling God that I'm willing - willing to do His will. Now I feel that He's asking me - Am I still going to be willing when I face the unfamiliar? Am I still gonna say, Lord, I am willing to do your will? Am I still going to be obedient? This is difficult for me, I'm kinda ashamed to admit it! The things of my sinful nature holding me back, caring too much about what other people might think of me or what they would say.

But this is a choice I'm going to have to make NOW. Christ paid too big a price for me to say, "Wait."

24th October 2010, Sunday.

"I was pushed back and about to fall,

But the Lord helped me.

The Lord is my strength & my song;

He has become my Salvation." (Psalms 118:14)

13th November 2010, Saturday.

Time to let go and put things that are out of my control and place it in the hands of the One that has control. I'm tired of thinking and trying to fix things, I've come to realise that I can't do anything without You. What am I doing, God? Why am I taking my struggle out of Your hands when I'm supposed to be doing the opposite? Its time to turn to You. Jesus, thanks for your faithfulness.. Please help me to see beyond what I can see. :)

I looooooooove looking back, because it gives me a chance to see that God was right there all along, loving me and holding me up with His amazing unconditional neverending wonderful love!! Every single lousy situation, fun party, terrible day, exciting moment, turbulent storms, THEY ALL PALE IN COMPARISON TO THE AMAZING GOD I SERVE :)

Christmas Eve.

Jesus, let me not be swept away in the excitement of Christmas :) Of the swirl of crinkly wrapped presents, glittery christmas trees, shiny ornaments & delicious food all prepared for the purpose of Christmas. Remind me that above all this happiness of sharing the season with the beloved friends and family you've blessed me with, there is a greater joy in Christmas - In remembering Your birth, of when you came to earth to save the lost and to bring mercy to the sinners. Thank You for never forgetting me; help me to never forget You!

Daniel is back :) We were at theJunk for dinner last night. Apparently, Kennysia was there somewhere around the same time as we were there, but we didn't notice him. Oops.. And also, Anthony Bourdain has also eaten at theJunk! Pictures on the wall :D He looks perpetually drunk.

Painted a red christmas tree on my nail :) Because I didn't have green nail polish, I had to use red.. Skills! Hehe.

Woke up this morning forgetting that it was PMR results day. So the results came out around 9am, and I only arrived to get my results at 11am... Anyway, I got straight A's, really thank God for it :) I know no matter what my results are (whether good or bad), God always has a plan and purpose for everything and He should still be praised no matter what I'm feeling! Thanks Jesus :) I'm giving You all the glory.

I saw this picture on weheartit, and I just knew I had to colour it in :) If anyone knows who the artist is, please please please tell me! I'd love to give credits to the person who drew this amazing picture.

About half an hour on Photoshop CS3. I haven't used my tablet this entire year for something like colouring so it felt rather awkward to use. I think this is the first time I've finished colouring a piece on photoshop cause I don't like using Photoshop for drawings. OpenCanvas is my favourite choice, but it sort of got deleted when I changed computers D: D: ANYWAYYY haha colouring is really fun even if I'm not amazing at it! For half an hour I think I did a pretty decent job *pats self* Hehe

Is it just me or does that girl remind you of Lindsay Lohan?

Going to Spring one day I saw this pile of Barbies being sold. What really shocked me was the fact that each and every one of the Barbie's that were being sold were in LITTLE BLACK DRESSES and had their CLEAVAGE showing. I mean, this is what you're buying for your kids to play with!? Barbies with cleavage and way too much leg showing!? Media nowadays - totally sexualized. Kids grow up in this age thinking its totally fine to show off their bodies.

Today is the Winter Solstice tang yuan thingy thingy! I have no idea! All I know is that on this day, we make sticky glutinous balls and eat it with sweet soup :D See that smiley face? My sister made it actually but I stole it from her first before she could take it and ate it myself MUAHAHA.

Funny how the modesty talk has honestly changed the way I looked at my wardrobe :) I realise that when I see other girls in like short shorts and translucent shirts that reveal cleavage or lots of legs and stuff like that I'll be like thinking, gee thats kinda cheap/skanky. Hardly gives me time to think about my own shorts or my own shirts, that maybe someone else is looking at me and thinking the same way?

Tania and I were talking about it and we both agreed that we'd love for other people from outside our church to look at our church and go, Yeah that church isn't just famous for their worship! But the girls in the church don't just dress according to the worlds standards but they have respect and dress modestly! We'd honestly like to set an example for other people because honestly, the church nowadays is starting to look more and more like the world. We don't want other people to look at our church and totally MISS the presence of God because they're focused on how we dress or how we look.

Like the story Aunty Lillian told of her Hindu friend who went to church and saw all the girls dressing so worldly and she said, "How can they dress like that to a church? Don't they have any respect for their God?" And its pretty true now that you think about it. If I were to meet God face-to-face, I would NOT be wearing some tanktop and shorts. Dude... I'd probably be in a poncho.

Camp was unexpectedly different. It wasn't as intensely life turning as the previous camps, but I feel that God's doing something different. And I'll take it as a good thing, because God is always faithful and He would never give us something bad. This change in the camp, I believe that its a new wave that God is sending, and everything He does He does for a reason that we somehow can't see at the moment. Maybe He's telling us that, no, we don't need to wait for the camp to repent, we don't need to wait for the camp at the end of every year to turn your life around, we don't need to wait for the camp to stir the fire again. It could happen anywhere, anytime, and He doesn't want us to just limit Him to the D' Encounter camp at the end of every year.

Perhaps He's slowly, gently, guiding us into a whole new level with Him? Even if it wasn't something we all expected (God somehow always has a way of blowing away our expectancies...), we've got the assurance that He's there with us every single step of the way. And thats what He's been telling me during the camp. The past few months I've been going through the wilderness which I haven't told anyone of because its intensely frustrating. Geez, we all just want to be perfect don't we. Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Yeah, yeah, I know that but its so frustrating cause I can't feel anything; But if I've learnt anything throughout this journey with my Jesus is that a relationship isn't based on feelings - And thats exactly the same with Him. After questioning Him, God are you even still there? Well, I know You are, but are You even there?

He's just blown me away by the way He has told me that yes, He's still there. He still loves me, He still hears me. It wasn't the heart burning experience I was expecting, falling over in tears or laughter. But He came in a sweet, quiet, still voice in my heart. He wasn't loud, He wasn't intruding, He didn't bring the flames of heaven, He was just there. And although I wasn't happy with it then, I'm glad He came in a still, small voice like He did with Moses. Because if I'm going to expect Him to come with His intense burning crazy fire every single time, I am so going to be sorely disappointed....... He's saying that, Dude, you don't need Me to be all crazy with You all the time during camp. Look, I'm still here. Although I'm still, although I'm just a sweet quiet presence, I'm still here, I'm still the exact same God thats going to be with you every step through this wilderness. Won't you just trust Me?

After the camp, I've got all the assurance I need. Sure it wasn't like the previous 4 camps where my world was turned inside out, where major parts of my life was transformed with His cleansing fire. But this camp was something different, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Just learning to focus on Him while He's also working on other lives at the same time, and trusting that He's there.. Honestly, now that I think back, I would not want this camp to be like the previous camps. The previous camps have been great, yeah, but I don't want to be stuck in what God has already done for the previous years. I'm into something bigger, something greater, something holier.

I don't want to be stuck in the same cycle of expectancy, of putting the hugely creative God into some small box,

I don't want to be stuck in the previous wave if God is leading us into a new one.

He has a bigger plan, and He's guiding us into it. Can we trust Him?

Update! I've finally gotten myself a new pair of glasses! Or spectacles! Or whatever you call them! :) Happy because I'm quite tired of using contacts (I have a feeling its causing my eyesight to deteriorate or something.... No actually my eyesight prescription went down so obviously I am just paranoid about my eyes getting infections and my astig getting worse and my eyeballs falling off after developing keloids from using contacts too long wth unnecessary concerns) and the only reason I didn't want to use my old pair of glasses was because I didn't like the way it looked :-( Okay I guess I'm pretty choosy about stuff and I just realised, after reflecting back on my entire life (lololol 15 years isn't much of a life span, is it) BUT anyway, I realise that I always get what I want. I don't always want things, but when I want something..

All the times I’ve stumbled, all the times I’ve fallen short, all the times I’ve disappointed Him, all the times I’ve ignored Him, all the times I’ve neglected Him-He still runs to me with open arms when I call on His name, Jesus, that wonderful and precious name! He still wraps me in His arms and comforts me. He still stirs that gift that’s inside me. He still surrounds me and allows me to get lost in His sweet presence. Thank You Lord for your unconditional love, Your love that’s not based on my performance, or my doings. You love me because You are love, You love me just because. I could never measure up, I could never be good enough, there is no good in me, my righteousness is as filthy rags. But Your mercy and Your grace, Your love, Your blood that washes away every sin-thank You Lord for thinking of me on Calvary. You died that I might live.

Today was the musical concert for Avant Garde :) My music tuition! (until June 2011 when I sit for my Grade 8 exams AND I'M FREE FROM PIANO HAHAHHAHA ugh) I was the narrator for a play that was put together by a few music teachers :) Sooooo many amazing performances! My favourites I think was the performance by Andrea & Jerry singing The Phantom of the Opera. And my other favourite was the Viva la Vida performance with the violins! Although I have to admit I'm a bit biased on that one because that guy from my pbk class this year that I thought was handsome was performing in that one wth he looks so good playing the violin HAHAHAHHAHHAHA swt. But the performance was good anyway ITS NOT ALL ABOUT HIM asdasfddfsdfsdkfkds *tries to find him on facebook coughstalk theonlyreasoniwenttopbkclassesthisyearwastoseehim lol jk* Hehehe *wth too chicken to actually talk to him for the entire year during pbk classes* lol

I'm soooo tired. The past week has been rehearsal rehearsal rehearsal :S Hours & hours of cold and hunger and tiredness. On the other hand I did my own makeup this time for the performance hehe I think I didn't do such a bad job :) Did makeup for my sister too but she ended up crying at the end of the day and the eyeliner got washed off LOL. I think I look pretty good in my eyeliner? LOL (that has never been used after i bought it) I should use it more often 8) Well this is the last play for me that I'd take part in I guess? I remember I was in the first concert that was ever hosted by the music school, and this concert will be the last ever from the school too. Kinda nostalgic to think that I was involved in the first play and ended with the last play. Oh well. Off to sleep now :)

Helllooo. A few days ago I was so bored so I looked at my face in the mirror and I could feel the impending doom of breakouts about to appear on my nose and chin. I hate it when I just know that I'm gonna have a breakout on my face and theres nothing I can do about it....... Or is there?!?! I made a yogurt mask for myself cause I heard it was a really good mask (yogurt mask meaning.... just getting a pile of plain yogurt and slathering it on your face). It felt pretty good cause it was cold hahhaha and I actually like the smell of yogurt although I know loads of people hate it. The best thing about it was the next day (AND the upcoming few days), NO BREAKOUTS! Lol this is amazing never in my life has anything worked so well to prevent breakouts for me. I've tried honey, lemon and egg whites. They all kinda sucked (honey was good for moisturizing though). Now I know what to use when I sense the breakouts coming! Yay for home made yogurt full of the goodness of lactic acid bacteria!

(Don't look at me like that.... Yogurt is natural stuff. I'd rather use plain ol' yogurt made at home than some drugstore pimple cream full of chemicals that I can't even pronounce!)

FAT KITTY SO FAT SO CUTE.

Its about 2:30am and I'm not sleeping yet because my dad made me drink his coffee at bing! just now. By this time my dad has gotten up to pee about 5 times already. Thats what you get for drinking coffee at night. Although I'm tired already but I'm a bit lazy to get off my butt and drag myself to my bed... So I decided to take the Jung's Personality test. Its supposedly one of the best personality tests out there which is really accurate, so why not?

I'm an ESTJ. Which means I have the temperament of a 'supervisor'.

Comprising at least ten percent of the population, Supervisors enjoy and are good at making schedules, agendas, inventories, and so on, and they much prefer tried and true ways of doing things over speculation and experimentation.

Supervisors have no problem evaluating others and tend to judge how a person is doing in terms of his or her compliance with, and respect for, schedules and procedures.

Supervisors are unbelievably hard-working. Even as children they are industrious, and they usually respect their parents as authority figures. In school Supervisors are often model students, dutifully following directions, doing all their homework, doing it thoroughly, and on time.

Supervisors approach human relations along traditional lines. Marriage and parenthood are sacred to them, and they tend to have a large circle of friends, with many friendships faithfully maintained over the years.

Though they can seem a bit formal in their manners, Supervisors are pretty easy to get to know. At ease in polite company, they tend not to confuse people by sending double messages or putting on airs - What they seem to be, they are.

Hmm I don't know about this. What do you think?

Feeling knotted up?

The Knots Prayer

Dear God:

Please untie the knots that are in my mind,
my heart and my life.

Remove the have nots,
the can nots and the do nots
that I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots,
may nots,
might nots that may find
a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,
would nots and
should nots that obstruct my life.

And most of all,

Dear God,

I ask that you remove from my mind,
my heart and my life all of the 'am nots'
that I have allowed to hold me back,
especially the thought
that I am not good enough.

Amen.