My face is really dry and itchy and rashy today :( Last night I spotted a few tiny pimple-like bumps on my face so I applied Oxy5 (benzoyl peroxide) on them and went to sleep. Usually I have no problem with Oxy but this time when I woke up, my face was really dried out and itchy. It stung too and turned my face pinky D: Not sure what happened but maybe I've developed a sensitivity to benzoyl peroxide or something. My face is better now after I used a face mask but still stings. Next time I will use lemons instead of Oxy :( But for now its lots and lots of moisturizer for this dried up prune! :)



“If God were small enough to be understood, He would not be big enough to worship.”
— Evelyn Underhill

Then Job arose, tore his robe, and shaved his head; and he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said:

“ Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
And naked shall I return there.
The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the LORD.”

(Job 1:20-21)

After all, when life collapses for you like it did for Job, who do you have left but God? You could pull back, build up walls, pretend that people don't care, close up, act like God doesn't understand. But when circumstances happen, and you can't see past yourself, its the perfect time to ask God to help you see beyond what your human eyes perceive, to look through the eyes of the Father that made your very being. He knows the plans. He knows your future. And it is good.

I think that one of the biggest threats facing young, God-fearing women is relationships. We, as women, thrive off of interaction with the people around us, whether it is our family, friends, or even boyfriends. But I have seen countless friends who genuinely loved Jesus lose their identity in a boyfriend so completely that they starve themselves of their relationship with Jesus.

There is so much pressure for girls to find their husband, or to simply get affection from the boys around them, but I think a lot of girls forget that Jesus is JEALOUS for them—that He really does want them all to Himself. If the girls in our generation can make up their mind that Jesus really is enough for them, they will find a love that is so much more passionate, overwhelming and fulfilling than anything they could ever imagine.

And eventually, if Jesus becomes their standard, He will bring them a husband that looks a lot like Him. :)

I posted that last year on the 15th August 2010. I wish I could tell her this. But she doesn't believe me - Even though she knows better than this. This hurts me. Why can't she see she's better than what this world has to offer?

Reminder.

Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

/ Luke 12:27-30

this week has been another tiring week - as with the previous weeks. is it going to be like this for the rest of the year? i have a feeling it can only get worse and this is just the tip of the iceberg. i know You're real - even when i cannot see. you're the rest to the weary, the drink to the thirsty.. the faith to the helpless, the hope to the lonely.. the sweet to the bitter, the healing to the hurting.. you're everything i could ever need. i'm deeply in love with you.

Be still, there is a healer. His love is deeper than the sea, His mercy, it is unfailing - His arms are a fortress for the weak.

My sister is watching a movie, and I'm here behind her on the computer ignoring the movie. I just don't watch movies. There's no reasonable explanation why I don't like movies - I just don't. Some people don't like to sit down and read 2 chapters of a book... I don't like sitting down wasting 2 hours of my life on a movie. I haven't met anyone else that doesn't like watching movies. Maybe I don't like them BECAUSE I CRY SOOO EASILY WHEN WATCHING MOVIES. Like maybe someone loses their dog AND I CAN START CRYING. Well I don't mind crying I just dont. like. watching. movies.

Random thought of the day, wondering why I don't watch movies. Can't remember the last movie I watched (I think it was fireproof at uncle mervyn's house) and watched like 2 movies in 2010.. SIGHH WHAT DO I DO IN MY FREE TIME, REALLY? DO I NOT HAVE A LIFE?

Anyway I have resigned myself to the fact that my hair grows way way way slowly. The moment it hits my waist will probably be the day that I turn 25. i THINK i've seen a marked improvement in growth since I started eating like 2 eggs a day but still... darned genetics.

This week I came upon a closed door.
It was a door I was so desperately hoping to go through.
A door I could picture myself going through.
A door I was sure it was time to go through.
A door that would theoretically lead to other doors that I also wanted to go through.
But that door did not open when it came time like I had hoped.
It remained closed.
It remained closed and the peace and patience and hope I had been cultivating within, disappeared.
And I got angry, and frustrated and said things like, "life's not fair."

But wouldn't you know, as soon as I hung my head, turned around and walked away in defeat, a window opened.
A window opened and inspiration flew in the window.
Flew in and hit me in the face.
Not hard, but like a soft reminder.
A reminder that there is a plan.
And it is good.

Inspiration flew in and reminded me of the things I have hoped for far longer that that open door
And along with that inspiration, motivation.
Motivation to start something frightening, something potentially life changing and something I've dreamed about my whole life.
Motivation to take the narrow path, full of hard work and sacrifice.
A path that will lead to many more doors, some open, some closed.
A path that leads to to a beautiful end goal and a life I've always wanted.

Thank God for closed doors.

/krameymartin

I'm not afraid of dreaming hugely ambitious dreams, I'm afraid of the disappointment when they don't come true. So I don't dream -Till that day after church.. After that sermon on dreams.

Should I pursue them, should I keep dreaming? Or are my efforts too futile, for me to keep believing? Jesus says Have Faith, for I know your future; Trust in My ways, your heart I will capture. But this doubt in my heart, nags at me and says, What if you do your part, and yet non of it pays? What if these dreams, remain as just thoughts, a few once-upon-a-times, its reality never caught? I know I'm just silly, to not trust in my Father, He has the plans and the purpose, my feet will never falter. And yet I don't know, what if I'm dreaming wrong? Spent myself on ambitions, wasted my life for too long? Yet through all this confusion, one thing stays the same - Jesus's love for me, will always remain.

He is my Maker, I am the sheep, His promises for me, He promises to keep. Its okay to dream, says the voice in my heart, this bond that we have, will never keep us apart..

The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians,

who acknowledge Jesus with their lips

but walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle.

That is what an unbelieving world finds simply unbelievable.

Watch your words, watch what you think. Don't ever look at someone and say she's fat, he's ugly, why do they look like that, gross? Because have you ever stopped to think, that when you insult someone based on their looks, you are insulting their Maker? You're telling God, "Wow God, I don't really think you did a good job there. Were you a little sleepy while moulding her? Cause I'm seeing some huge imperfections there."

When you speak about someone else to another person, will you remember that God is right there listening to every single word and thought you have to say. When you call a girl fat even when she's not there, a tear drops from His eyes at the very fact that you think one of His creations isn't beautiful. When you call a guy ugly, Satan is feeding your heart with the pride that you think you're better than another.

Think before you speak, think more before you think. You don't mess around with Jesus, you don't mess around with the works of His hands. Please, please, don't insult another person. When you start seeing the goodness in everyone's hearts, their looks hardly matter, because when the heart of Jesus shines forth from their faces, they are the most beautiful creatures on the planet - Sons and Daughters of God, reflecting the beauty of their Father.

I'm not talking to anyone, I'm talking about myself. Too often I get caught up in passing judgement, when God reminds me that the only one thats fit to judge is Him.

Numbers 23:20, "I have received a command to bless; He has blessed, and I cannot change it."

When I asked God to create a pure heart within me, I wasn't expecting this. When I asked Him to "Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me...", I didn't know the depths of the darkness of my heart. See, the thing is, prayer works. Prayer works because the God that hears your prayers, is a living God. And when I prayed that prayer, He heard me.

So the thing about your heart it, you will never know the depths of the darkness of your heart, until you ask God to reveal it to you. God broke me, but He healed me, I'm no longer bitter towards my friend :) This bitterness of jealousy and asking God why He gave someone else everything and seemingly left some stuff out on you, doesn't satisfy. Because Jesus gave you everything you need, and even more in abundance. Security comes from Him and knowing that He loves You! You see, God's still in the process of breaking me down, but also building me up, bringing out the impure things in my heart, but also replacing it with His abundant love.

So far its been a month that has a lot of frustrations and down-moments but I wouldn't change it for anything! I don't want to be that kind of girl that complains the moment something doesn't go my way, I don't want to be that kind that always compares myself to other girls, that gets moody and whiny just because I don't feel like being nice, that becomes temperate with others when I'm stressed, someone thats worldly. God created you for so much more than what the world has to offer!

Its only when you go through all these kinds of breaking that you realise that truly, the only one you can actually count on is God :) You can't rely on just yourself to get you through the days of weariness & to relieve a tired heart. Really, its finding the time to rest yourself in God's sweet presence in the midst of everything.. And knowing He's the one true God.

P.S : Be careful what you pray for, Jesus answers in ways you may not like. Remember to praise Him through it all!

Its been 10 days since I last updated my blog - today is the 14th of January which means half a month has already gone by! How fast was that? :) Schoolwork has been piling up more and more with so many maths equations, reports and essays. I don't know why the first month of being 16 is so packed with schoolwork, don't tell me its going to be like that for the entire year? I've been drowning in homework so much that this is the first time in about 9 days that I've managed to find the time to go on the computer. If it weren't for being able to go online on my phone to check for updates on facebook/twitter, I would be totally obscure - katak bawah tempurung D: While I'm writing this I still have 3 more essays to complete!

Another thing, we've re-started the Batu Lintang prayer group again :) So far its only gathered about 3 - 5 people everyday, but please keep us in your prayers okay? We believe prayer works and we believe the students that are staring at us and laughing at our efforts are gonna be the ones that will be saved one day. Anyone from BL that happens to be reading this, come for the prayer meeting every morning at around 6:35am held at the corner next to 4 Setia in block A! Anyone else reading this, pleaseeee pray for us and all the other schools to be powerful prayer schools that will change this nation and generation :) Prayer works!

First week of school. I don't have much to say about it so far, a new class, new classmates, new teachers, new subjects :) I don't know what to say about my class? I guess I'm just really not used to it yet because of the classmates from the chinese classes. Like I don't talk to them and they don't talk to me & when I talk to them they seem like errrrr, what is this girl talking? Haha I hope it will get better after 1 or 2 months :)

Another thing that I've been dreading - I've been put in a different class from the friends that I usually hang out with. Praise God? Of course :) Sure I really don't like it, I'm wayyyy too comfortable being stuck in my mediocrity, being with the friends that I usually hang out with. But in my mind, I keep hearing Uncle Mervyn going, "If you want to reach out to others, you have to step out of your comfort zone." This is just another step outside my comfort zone, getting my feathers ruffled (as uncle would say it haha!)

Dear Jesus,

Its 2011 - A whole new year for me! Theres a nervous anticipation stirring in my heart when I think about Your goodness & faithfulness towards all of us for this year, cause God, I know You're a Father in Heaven that works far beyond our expectations. Father, I just don't know what to say when I think about the entire year ahead of me. Is it going to be a year filled with happiness or a year filled with trials? Sometimes I just get really anxious because, what if this year turns out to be a horrible year filled with so many problems? What if, what if everything just starts to go wrong in my life? ... And then you gently start to remind me, that You're a faithful God. That You're a God thats so much bigger than any problem I could ever encounter. That You're a God thats worthy of my praise no matter what the situation, simply because You're worth it.

I won't deny that theres still a little bit of anxiety in me about the coming new year, but Jesus, You're holding me in the palm of Your hand and You're not letting me go anytime soon. Since You already know the desires of my heart, all I can do is pray for Your faith, strength, grace & love to fill me as I continue seeking You and walking in the path that You've already planned out for me. You know every day of 2011, and You still remain the unchanging God that You are!

There is no one, Lord, not one who was able to get into the depths of my heart and change it to reflect Your heart. You've taken me through the valleys, You have been there on the mountaintops, You are with me daily and there is nothing I cannot tell You. You listen even when I can't talk, when it is just my tears falling - Your presence falls on me and reminds me You are with me. Father, You're the song in my heart and I just want to thank You for everything.

In spite of my failings and my weaknesses, You never gave up on me. Thank You...

Your daughter,

Hannah.