"The night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You," Psalm 138:12

There is freedom in surrender. Surrendering all the burdens and doubts and fears into His all too capable hands. However, surrending means not reaching out to what you have already placed into God's hands and taking it back. It means, that when you find yourself reaching out and trying to get things back under your control and trying to change things for the better by your power - you stop. And take a deep breath. And remember that you have surrendered it into the hands that hold the world, the hands that work everything out in this giant human maze.

It means, that when you find your breath catching in your throat, and your lungs contracting, and your heart squeezing uncomfortably in your chest with moths of anxiety fluttering around your insides about what was, is, could be - you stop. And take a deep breath. And let the promise of God which gives you the peace totally unlike any kind of peace you could find in this world to settle deep into your soul and whisper, "My peace I give to you."

It means, that when you find yourself thinking, and thinking, and thinking; and trying to sort out some way for yourself, 'just in case' - you stop. And you remind yourself that all the days ordained for you was written in His book even before the first day of your life began.

Surrender is that, and so much more.

It is the giving up of your right to understand.
It is the hope in some incredible plan you will never see with your human mind.
It is the faith in knowing, and choosing to know, that all your fears, doubts, concerns, anxieties, insecurities, are entirely unfounded.

Because surrender is trust -
And in God I trust.

Raya Revelations from the Toilet

It's the beautiful season of Raya! I went for a bit of Raya visiting yesterday, and it was all really nice. Pretty houses and really, really good food. So after a day of going around, I went back home, did a bit of revision, and went to bed...

... Cue me waking up at 1:30 a.m. and running to the toilet like it was the only hope for my living. My stomach decided to rebel and lose the weight gained from Raya visiting I guess :-( Fair enough! After moments of suffering, I once again went back to bed for some rest.

... Cue me waking up again at 5:00 a.m. with excruciating stomach cramps and groaning my way back to the toilet again, thinking I should just put up a tent in the bathroom and sleep there for convenience' sake. Very well, I took the suffering like a man! A really wimpy man! But I digress.

Of course I commanded the pain to leave, and the viruses and bacteria to die and cast themselves off into the very depths of hell from which they seem to come from. But multiple times, nothing happened, and I was like why, God, why! I don't want to go through this nasty ordeal! I want to be heeeaalleeedddd~~. And suddenly a small lightbulb ding went off in the middle of all the crap (literally! Haha okay I'll stop now) and that small Voice said, Sometimes purging is needed for you to get better. I paused for a second there to think. It seemed like He was talking about more than just my body's rebellion to really delicious curry. So I sat on the thinking chair (Hahahahaha), thinking, thinking - And I think I got it.

Recalling my previous episodes in the toilet, what I was going through now really wasn't so bad. Because previously, all my food poisoning cases had me wanting to commit suicide in the toilet cause it was that bad and I really couldn't take it. And those were the times where I was healed immediately as well. However, this time, it wasn't that bad and I could handle it, I just wanted immediate relief because I wanted to get back to bed and sleep. Besides the 'God won't put you through anything you wont be able to withstand' meaning, there was also the, 'God supplies all your needs, and not all your wants' meaning going on. Along with that, one thing I learnt was that all of us need to go through purging in our life, to get rid of the dross and reveal the silver. Its the discipline of God, refining us, so that we come out cleaner. Like how my body was responding to whatever bad thing I had ingested and was trying to purge my body of it, our spiritual lives also have to go through purging to get rid of worldly habits and all the whatnots we have accumulated in our lives. It might be messy, and most certainly painful... But the holiness we learn from it is worth it.

It was like God was saying, no, I'm not going to take away the pain just right now. You need to see that purging needs to happen every once in a while - But I'm always here, to see that what you go through won't be more than you can handle.

So that was my Raya revelation, and how God can turn a case of food poisoning into a lesson for me. :-)

"... Come out from it and be pure, you who carry the vessels of the Lord." (Isaiah 52:11)

"Your hands made me and formed me," Psalm 119:73

Whom shall I fear?
Shall troubles, or hardships, or persecution
Overwhem
my heart

Whom shall I fear?
When the waves of tumult surge
When they rise above
my head

Whom shall I fear?
Should sorrows abound immensely
Should fear close in around
my life


But my God
Takes me from glory to glory
Lifts me up on eagles' wings
Gives me drink from His river of delights

But my God
Commands the waves and they obey
Touches the dead and brings forth life
Stretches out His hand and heals

But my God
is my Stronghold
is my Guide
is the One whom I shall fear

Father,
I pray for Your guidance and leading in my life.
Cover me, and remind me that I am covered, with Your precious blood every day of my life, every where that I go.
Grant me the mind of Christ in all things-
to be aware of You, and wary in all I do.
to trust You and seek You always.
Please lead me to that place where You
become my Everything.

Help me, Jesus,
Because I know I will never be able to do this on my own.
Because I know only Your strength will prevail and help me to persevere in this life.
Becaise I know that You can.

Be my life, my Everything-
the treasure of my heart, the praise of my mouth, the reason for my living.
Let this not be about me. But in all ways may it be about You.

Thank You for loving me.
Thank You for Your kindness that leads to repentance.
Thank You for grace,
and faith,
and hope.


You hold Your hands out and wait for me. Ever patient. Ever loving.
But I hesitate to reach out and put my hands in Yours. For reasons that I know are all too clear, but entirely vague at the same time. So I withhold my hands, fear stopping me from reaching out.

Still He stands, holding out His arms; outstretched hands.

I am incredulous. Scoffing. Tired. Disbelieving.

"Aren't You going to be tired eventually? Holding out Your hands? Will You wait forever? How long will it be before You tire out?"

But even before questioning, I know the answers.

His hands never tire.
Arms that bore my sins on the cross.
Arms that took the weight of the world.

He won't turn away.