Among the incidences of the past few weeks, I have walked, learnt, fallen, understood, thought, believed, disbelieved - but among many other emotions and state of beings and things - I have listened.

I have listened, and I have heard, and I have come to realise that none of us actually know. We don't know.

About hurts in friends' lives, and how an excellent report card hides the scars of an abusive mother, or how a hostile bite covers the hurts of a broken and unbelieving family. About how the friend you thought you knew dreads going to sleep every night, because death haunts and calls his name. About the reason why your friend scoffs at religion because the image of a God that is supposed to be Love has been marred by circumstances that oppose that statement - and even more so by the very people who claim to be believers. About the hurts, pains, depression, despair, hopelessness, weaknesses, failures people around us go through daily, and we do not know it.

People are reluctant to believe that there is a entity, a Holy Trinity, who knows & understands. We want Jesus' very words spoken to us, "Look at My hands and feet, and see that it is I. Feel Me and you will know, for a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you can see I have."

Wavering uncertainty. Dubiety.

Today, my mother's colleague was involved in a helicopter crash and they have not found the bodies of the passengers in the helicopter. I saw her once with her fiancé while I was out with my mother during the weekends. She was young, happy, beautiful, and was going to be married at the end of the year. The pilot was rescued by a fishing boat after swimming for 4 hours in the sea.

We don't know, we never really know.

The Treasure

I found it on the curbside of the street. Didn’t look like much from the outside. Didn’t have such a great reputation. I’d heard of it before, of its lies and its schemes. “It’s a fraud,” they told me, though none of them had gone to seek it for themselves.

Something in me itched to see it for myself. What was this seemingly simple thing so many called a treasure- the greatest investment of their lives? So I went to the man himself, where he sits on that curbside. He saw me coming and greeted me by name. Then he said he’d been expecting me.

I just shrugged, half embarassed to be seen with him. What would my friends say? How stupid would they think I was?

I thought I’d just ring up one to see what it was really like. My wallet out, I started counting money. But his hand pushed the bills away.

“Do you think this is so worthless that it can be bought with that?”

“I don’t have much more.”

“That will be enough.”

I tried handing him the bills again but he shook his head at me. “I said, that will be enough.”

“What will?” But he gave no answer. Instead he handed me a small wooden box.

I wasn’t sure what I’d been expecting, but it certainly hadn’t been this. It didn’t even look like something valuable. It was broken and scratched, and caked in layers of mud.

“It cost me a lot to get it,” he said simply. “It’s all yours.”

Without missing a beat, I sat down on the curb and begin to open it. The top slid away easily- and that’s when I finally saw it. It was the most expensive treasure I’d ever seen. Coated in gold, bathed in diamonds. Emeralds, jasper, and jewels I couldn’t even name. They spilled over the top of the box and into my hands. I looked up at the man in wonder, and he smiled simply at me. Then I remembered where I was, and held it closer to me. A woman passed me closely but she merely laughed.

“That’s not worth it. It’s just an empty old box.”

“No,” I said. Without thinking I handed it out to her. “Look. Look, it’s full of jewels.”

“It’s empty,” she said. “Did you listen to that crazy man? What a waste of time.”
Then she walked away.

I turned to the man who had given it to me in confusion. “Why can’t she see?”

“She doesn’t want to see.”

“But… why?”

“Because it’s not what she’s looking for.”

“It’s what I’ve been looking for,” I whispered.

“I know,” he said. “Don’t let anyone take it from you. It’s for everyone, but they must come to me themselves.”

////// AboveAllHis

"It is not that the meaning cannot be explained. But there are certain meanings that are lost forever the moment they are explained in words.” - Haruki Murakami, 1Q84

1. Cutting your hair always leads to feelings of regret afterwards.
2. I've got such a baby face. (Read: Squishy cheeks)
3. I do not like my fringe.
4. But hair grows.
5. Time to eat more eggs.
6. I know.... I don't know why I have two dustbins stacked up like that either.
7. I bought a whiteboard and a kids hand sanitiser today, with a picture of Piglet from Winnie the Pooh & Friends on it.
8. Haruki Murakami's 1Q84 - To read or not to read... The battle between the lure of beautiful novels, and my textbooks yelling out to me that the first trials are in a month's time.
9. Going on hiatus from this blog for a while - perhaps the occasional update.. Perhaps not. I will see you all soon.
10. Much love, Hannah.