"When it’s hardest to love, humble yourself." —James MacDonald

God answered my prayers, yet again, in ways I did not expect. This is the nature of God - that He is infinitely wise. Hence the way He answers our prayers are in His infinite wisdom, because He sees the entire picture when we do not, and He knows the best way to answer our prayers for the sake of our good and for the glory of His praise. We don't see what He sees, until He does it, and we look back and say, Oh. He was working for my good all this time, even when I did not make the best choices.

Recently, thoughts contrary to His nature has been amplified all the more in my life. It's as though a switch was flicked on and made me conscious of whenever I began going the path of Envy. Jealousy. Covetousness. Self-entitlement. Judgmentalism. Pride. This past week, I am troubled and, honestly, horrified at how much 'self' I have in me. How much I actually judge, even if they are just fleeting thoughts in my head. How much pride there actually is in me that I disregard. The awareness of the battle between holiness and fleshly self has been magnified so much more that I find myself asking, what's up with this, God?

And He reminded me. What have I been praying for?

I forgot my prayers, but He remembered. Now I recall, eyes shut, hands clasped, praying in earnest for humility and the stripping away of pride. I asked Him to remind me and make me aware of when I was being prideful.

God did exactly that. It's a reminder that although I forget my prayers, God hears every single prayer His children utter and He does not forget. He made me aware of the pride that was still in me. Made me realise that before He could make me humble, He had to awaken myself to my need for humility. A comparison between ego and true humility. And I am brought to the realisation that I am so much more in need of His grace. Truly, I am nothing without His cleansing blood. All that is good in me is because of who He is and His goodness in me.




I have such a long way to go on this journey. So much to learn. So much to experience. So much to understand.
It will be uncomfortable and painful at times, just as this last week has been. Many times, it will be worst. I will not understand. I will not be able to apprehend. I will be left with - my identity in Him. My refuge in Him. My shelter under His wings. I will be left with - trust in the hands of an infinitely wise God that will work all things out for my good & His glory.