29/06 Thoughts

A few thoughts occurred to me today. I believe many people don't believe in the realness of God because they've never pursued Him. They don't know Him because they've never tried to.

Sometimes we expect God to do everything for us. We say, "Oh, if God really loved me, if He really wanted me to know Him, if He wanted me to believe in Him, then He would....". Then He would come down in a crash of thunder and lightning, a loud voice booming from Heaven? Then He would part the clouds and before our eyes we would see a triple rainbow? Then He would literally, just literally, appear before our very eyes and tell us, show us, that He is real?

The thing is, God can do all those things. Why not? He has appeared to believers before their very eyes and He has spoken to so many of His people in an audible voice. Then why not Jesus just do that to all the unbelievers and make them believe He exists?

I also believe that it's because God is an ever-patient God with a love that is so abundant and everlasting and a grace that extends beyond all boundaries. It causes Him to want us to come to Him freely and willingly, instead of being 'forced' to believe that He exists.

Relationship is always a two-way thing. And God has done His part by sending His Son to die on the cross for us that we may come to Him freely. And God is always doing His part by constantly pursuing us and our hearts, sending so many opportunities for us to give our hearts to Him. He always extends His loving hands towards us for us to grasp.

It's us that don't do our parts in this relationship. It's us that don't respond, that don't run after His heart, that don't seek Him. It's us that ignores His outstretched arms in search of another saviour.

It's a conviction for me as well. How many times have I said to Him, "If You want me to know You so much, if You want me to love you with all I've got, then You should make me want to read the Bible. You should make me want to love You and desire You and seek You." Like a spoilt brat, crossing my arms and demanding that He give me what I want! And what relationship would that be without selfless sacrifice, pure love, and a willingness to give back all of me just as He has given me all of Him?

It's a revelation for me. That I am in a beautiful, intimate relationship with God my Saviour. And just as He always does His part, so I must do mine. By pursuing His heart and running towards Him. I want to capture His heart with all of my love and everything that I have. He is my Treasure.


"Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded." James 4:8

".... Serve Him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the Lord searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek Him, he will be found by you..." 1 Chronicles 28:9

We push and we pull and drag and tug our desires towards us. Temporary desires that seem sweet at the moment... Until it leaves a bitter aftertaste. Or an ache in our stomachs. But usually - an ache in our hearts. We know what we want, and we want what we want, because what we want is easy. Desirable. Satisfying. Things of the world usually are. So we grasp with greedy hands, paying no heed to wisdom. Ignoring conviction. The small, soft voice asking... Is this right? My darling, walk in the light. Come away from danger. Humans have such hardness, it amazes me. Constantly amazes me at my very own foolhardiness. Hard-heartedness. Denial.

But Holy Spirit always knows, doesn't He? And Holy Spirit is so patient. So, so patient. God has never given up on me through my stubbornness, deceit, sin, lies, and pain.

All the countless second chances has left me breathless. He steals my heart away and gives me true life. He is, and truly, truly is - the Lover of my soul. Who else has seen the depths and darkness of my heart, my sin to its extremities, my abundant failures in every area.... And still. Loves. Me. Loves me in the very unchanging manner that He has had since the very beginning.

His Love never once wavered or faltered. It remained strong and steady. Ever my refuge.