I am Jacob, wrestling with God. I will not settle for second best, and like Jacob, I will not leave until I get my blessing. Like Jacob, I'm weeping and fighting at the same time, in desperation. Even if this fight leaves me crippled, I will be crippled in Christ. He withholds it from me, I will provoke Him with prayer and fasting until He has no choice but to release it unto me. I will fight this fight with God. This is a mountain I have to climb - with God holding me up and a deeper spiritual understanding on the other side.