"The night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You," Psalm 138:12

There is freedom in surrender. Surrendering all the burdens and doubts and fears into His all too capable hands. However, surrending means not reaching out to what you have already placed into God's hands and taking it back. It means, that when you find yourself reaching out and trying to get things back under your control and trying to change things for the better by your power - you stop. And take a deep breath. And remember that you have surrendered it into the hands that hold the world, the hands that work everything out in this giant human maze.

It means, that when you find your breath catching in your throat, and your lungs contracting, and your heart squeezing uncomfortably in your chest with moths of anxiety fluttering around your insides about what was, is, could be - you stop. And take a deep breath. And let the promise of God which gives you the peace totally unlike any kind of peace you could find in this world to settle deep into your soul and whisper, "My peace I give to you."

It means, that when you find yourself thinking, and thinking, and thinking; and trying to sort out some way for yourself, 'just in case' - you stop. And you remind yourself that all the days ordained for you was written in His book even before the first day of your life began.

Surrender is that, and so much more.

It is the giving up of your right to understand.
It is the hope in some incredible plan you will never see with your human mind.
It is the faith in knowing, and choosing to know, that all your fears, doubts, concerns, anxieties, insecurities, are entirely unfounded.

Because surrender is trust -
And in God I trust.

What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit his very self?

Wake me up, breathe into me. As I find peace again in unfailing grace. As my soul stirs in the warmth of Your love, like how the sun rays beam down upon the drooping daisy that has seen too many days of rain.

Whisper softly, call my name. As I still my heart again to hear Your voice. As my soul rests and listens for the path You have laid out for me, like how You are the Master Potter and all is in Your hands for You to mould as You will.

Gentle presence, guide my life. As I lay it all down again to follow after You. As I choose to pick up my cross daily, my very self denied for the righteousness of Christ, and in Him I live and move and have my being.

Able arms, pick me up. As I find myself being lifted upon eagle's wings. As I hope in Him and surrender all, giving up my right to understand and be in control - For once again, I remind myself, this is not my life.

"I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live -
But Christ lives in me.

The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God -
Who loved me, and gave Himself for me."

Jeremiah 18:4, Luke 9:23, Acts 17:28, Isaiah 40:30, Galatians 2:20

Jeremiah 1:4-5

The Word of the Lord came to me (Jeremiah), saying,
"Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you,
before you were born, I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Wow. Just, wow. Take the distresses and cares of this life off, and place them into His hands. Push away distractions and worries. Can you imagine the Lord Himself saying this to you? Quieten your heart and listen to His gentle yet firm words whispering;

"... Before I formed you, I knew you."

He knew us. Even before our first breath - even before we were little cells dividing. Can your hearts grasp that breathtaking realisation?

We are not a mistake.
We are not accidents.
We are not unknown,
not insignificant,
not rejected.

"... Before you were born, I set you apart."

We are known, beloved. We are created for a purpose - chosen, set apart, loved.

Do we know that? Do I know that? That I am not simply the outcome of a biological reaction, but the decision of an amazing Maker; He knew me even before I knew myself. He was there, He is here, He will be throughout.

It shocks me, stuns me, floors me. I am humbled and my heart... My heart is overwhelmed. Ovewhelmed and overtaken by the revelation that before existing, He knew me, inside and out.

I close my eyes. Aware of all my being - this heart that beats and blood that flows. I draw in a slow breath, feeling my lungs expand, and it becomes almost painfully aware to me that the breath I breathe - they are not my own. When the life I live, I live owing to my Lord who chose me and set me apart.

Who chose you and set you apart.
Even before you were in the womb.

Set apart to do His work. Even before we could comprehend our first thought.

My desires and dreams -
Longings and hopes -
Plans for my life -

He has secured and placed in me, working all things out for my own good. For His glory.

Even before I knew myself, He knew me.
Even before I was born, He set the plans for my life.

Even before receiving His beautiful mercy, He died for me.

I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from You I have no good thing." {Psalms 16:1}

He is standing in front of me and I rest my head on Him. I lean on Him and feel so secure, so rested, so at peace - it is always in this hug-like embrace I find myself in so often when I have come to the end of all I can do. So I ask, "Why is it always in this way that I find myself in?", because when I come into awareness of Him standing in front of me, His presence, I rest on Him between His shoulders. Being held up by His strength, I know that I can lean all that I am on Him and still have Him support me. And He answers, "Because it is in this way, that you are not standing on your own strength but leaning on Mine." And that is rest, that is peace, that is security. Leaning on Him utterly. On only Him and His completely, perfectly able, Strength.

"Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between His shoulders." {Deuteronomy 33:12}

Ecclesiastes 3:11

Daughter, I want you to know who you are in me. I mean who you really are in me- completely loved and totally forgiven. I want you to trust me one step, one day, one second at a time. Dwell in My power and My love and be all that you are in me, in My strength, and in My power. Do not fear what might happen or what the future may bring because my grace is sufficient and I will take care of you. Daughter, I know that you long to give yourself to someone, to have a deep relationship with him, and to be loved thoroughly and exclusively by him. But I must say no. Not until my love is enough. Not until you can see yourself truly complete in me. I love you, my child. Until you discover that your joy and satisfaction can be found in me alone, you will not be capable of handling the problems and disappointments that are part of every relationship. You can never be truly united with another in the way your heart desires, only I can fill that emptiness, only I can supply that need, only I can love you enough. You must be united with me, exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings before you will have the strength to endure the many heart-aches and, yes, even soul-aches of even a seemingly perfect human relationship. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing, and allow me to give you my faithfulness, my gentleness, and my self-control. Then, you will need no other. Daughter, I want you to allow me to be enough. You must keep your eyes on me, expecting the greatest and the best things from me. Keep experiencing the satisfaction of knowing that I am and that you are my child. Keep learning and listening to the things I tell you. Stay close by my side. Seek my face in the morning, my presence throughout the day, and my comfort at night. I am always there, Daughter. I will never leave you or forsake you. But, you must wait. Don’t be anxious. Do not get in a hurry. Don’t look around and fear or envy the things others have received from me. You must keep from looking off or away. Look up to me or you’ll miss the things I want to show you, and then, when you are ready, I’ll give you the desires I have put in your heart, the strength to endure all things, and the courage to risk your heart. You see, until you are ready and the one I have for you is ready… I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time… until you are both living to, which you will, however imperfectly, reflect your relationship in me.

////

"Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end."

Loneliness is no stranger to all of us. Loneliness has no pick with age or culture or background - We all know it. Those times where we could be in a room full of people but still feel like an island in the midst of an ocean. Cast your eyes to the skies and feel the weight of everything press in on you as the lights dim between your flickering eyelids. Breathe in the air and it's thickness settles in your lungs. Where the city lights flicker among the darkness of night, reminding you of the millions of people in the world, and yet. Like a heavy gray shadow treading softly behind human footsteps of long ago, left behind - How tiring it is, to want something you don't have. The human need of being loved and secured. It's hard to love a God that I cannot see with my own eyes. Hard to love a God that I cannot feel at times. Hard to love a God with a voice so soft that I have to strain to catch His whispers. Hard to love a God for who's sake I sacrifice all things and reject the world.

I close my eyes and take in another breath. Heavy, ponderous, melancholy. He brings to mind the breaking of soft, gentle waves along the shore. Glittering in the sunlight, it has no choice. A beautiful pattern. The sand is its boundary, one wave at a time. The deep calls out and it's voice it heard along the breaking shoreline. He brings to mind a single leaf being taken along the wind's course. It twists and turns and flies, trembles in it's slight singleness, at the mercy of a current the leaf cannot see but must bend to, taken up higher and higher and higher. Higher, higher, higher, the wind is relentless. But higher.

And I know.

Had I not a God that I couldn't see with my own eyes - How much less would I be able to see the pinholes through which He works through in my life? How could I see Him in all His glory with my own eyes when they themselves fail to see the beauty that which His hands has made? And I know that I am seeing Him when the sun rises, when a flower blooms, when the stars twinkle together in their night dance.

Had I not a God that I cannot feel at times - How could I learn to trust in His words and promises? How could I base His presence on my feelings when they themselves fail in giving me wisdom and guidance? And I know that the faith I give will be given back to me, a good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over. Where what I entrust to Him, I am sure that He is able to guard until that day what I have entrusted to Him.

Had I not a God with a sweet and soft whisper - How would I be able to throw all else aside and seek with desperation His assuring voice? How else could I learn to silence the great and strong gust roaring around around me and submit to the gentle blowing wind? And I know that His still, small callings teaches me that among the other voices clamouring out to me to lay aside my values - I instead listen to Him, and lay aside that which is unworthy of my attention.

And had I not a God for whom I choose to reject the world... I would not be learning to settle only for what I am worth, and for who He has planned for me.

I may be weak but your Spirit's strong in me. My flesh may fail but my God, You never will

God is good, God is faithful. We screw up and we disappoint Him and we end up deeper in the trash than we were in the first place; but guess what - God is still good, God is still faithful. We fumble around clumsily with our efforts and tax our brains thinking and we find out that whatever we try to fix ends up screwed. Guess what - God is still good, God is still faithful. We run away and we try to hide and we realise our excuses are as empty as the wind, we are as empty as the wind. Where is our purpose and where are we heading? Down like a deer caught in the headlights, that bright light we thought so beautiful has caught us. Things are not what we want them to be - Hold up, they never are, are they? Guess what, God is still good and God is still faithful.

We aren't where we thought we would end up. Hearts a'breaking, life's a'changing. Change scares people because of the uncertainty that the future holds. But when you give your heart to Jesus, life doesn't become about you anymore. It isn't yours to hold. It isn't yours to mold. You gave it up. All edges dissolve and resistance falls away, submission becomes a way of life and not a momentary decision. We gave it up, trusting somehow, radically, impossibly, that what our life becomes, turns out for our good to bring glory to its Writer. Yes, even when it hurts. Even when it hurts.

Frustrated, sick, tired, angry
Ever hearing but never understanding
Ever seeing but never perceiving
the deeper it gets
the darker it seems

This is the God that cuts a
channel for the torrents of rain
When every cut hurts
 and each one runs deeper than the first

But without the running cuts -
breaking up of soil -
deepening cracks -
How can a channel be formed?
How is the way paved?

The torrents of rain run through
Channels deep and wide and dry
to water a desert
to satisfy a desolate wasteland

"Who cuts a channel for the torrents of rain, and a path for the thunderstorm, to water a land where no one lives, an uninhabited desert, to satisfy a desolate wasteland and make it sprout with grass?" {Job 38:25}

“The next time I wonder if You’re strong enough to calm the storm that’s raging against me, I’ll remember that night with Your disciples when You spoke and silenced the sea.”
—Shelly E. Johnson

Tonights youth was just amazing once again, God in all His faithfulness and love never fails to show up. I made a new friend, Natalie, and something wonderful happened. Natalie was asking Him who she was and God just told Hania to go up to her and ask her, "Do you know who you are?" which was exactly what was on her mind.. I mean.. Thats no coincidence. That's God right there. Not sure how to explain it precisely but! When Hania got the message from God, to go over to Natalie and ask her that question, she first thought that it was just her mind. I mean, why on earth would God ask her to go up to this person that she didn't even know and ask her, "Do you know who you are?", that is just ridiculous, but then again God made a donkey speak, so things aren't really so ridiculous once you consider all the insane things God did in the bible. And of all the ridiculous things, God asked Noah to build a huge ark, asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, let Jonah get swallowed up by a whale... This God, I tell you, this God that I serve, is an amazingly insanely creative God (and with a sense of humour too.. check out that platypus!) that can ask us to do ridiculously insane things which might seem totally senseless and out of whack to us, but actually makes perfect sense in the Heavenlies, we just can't see it yet.

And so because of Hania's one act of obedience, a step of faith, risking that fact that if she was wrong (Note: God is Never Wrong) she would end up looking silly, but her act of obedience and faith caused a child of God to be touched & reassured by His love. So sometimes we get that one ridiculous thought in our head and we brush it off thinking that its not God, cause I mean like, seriously y'know, why would God ask me to tell that person that He thinks she's beautiful, rebuke the Devil rebuke the Devil! ...... And if you can't tell, I was joking. Ha. Ha. But seriously though. We just need to take that tiny step. And put your right foot forward. Take a deep breath and drag your left foot along. And then your whole body. And at the risk of looking like a total idiot and fool, open your mouth and say what God wants you to say (or what you think God wants you to say). Sometimes we say that its difficult to hear God's voice, but sometimes when we do hear it, we brush it off thinking that its our thoughts! Once we start to obey His tiny voice, we will start to be familiar with it and recognise which is His, which is ours, and which is the Devil's.. It takes the practise of faith, the reading of His word, and spending quality time with Him. Don't worry about looking like an idiot - "If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become 'fools' so that you may become wise - for the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight!" 1 Corinth 3:18. We become fools for God that we might perceive godly wisdom.

Hmmmmmm, Hannah.
Yes, God?
You know something?
Yeah?
... I am not disappointed in you, and I will never be disappointed in you. No, not even when you disobey me. I've seen it all, I know it all. My love for you is so much greater than disappointments - I will never be disappointed with you. My love is greater.

What an assurance I needed to hear. Sometimes we're worried about failing God and disappointing Him - listen to this. He is an all-knowing sovereign God, and He knows wayyyyyy in advance whether we are going to disobey Him or sin or fall short. He knows. It doesn't mean that He doesn't care when we sin - But it means that He does not change in His love for us. Man, this can be interpreted (or misinterpreted) in so many ways, but I'm hoping you get what I mean. But His love is so much greater, His grace is so much greater, it is His strength that is made perfect in our weakness. Stop thinking that you've disappointed God!

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 6:26, 10:31♥

He's reminded me of that so many times. And over and over again. And reminds me again. And again.

Hey. Remember how I feed the birds, remember how I provide for every living creature? Psalms 104, Job 38; Read and remind yourself of My faithfulness! Who brings forth the constellations in their seasons? I do. Who provides food for the ravens? I do. Even the roaring lions seek their food from Me. Just trust - stop trying, and Trust.

He is El-Chaiyai, "The God of My Life"; By day Yahweh directs His love, at night His song is with me— a prayer to El Chaiyai. (Psalms 42:8)

Curled up in a corner. Reach out your hands to grasp something, just to make sense of something, it all floats by; oceans & breakers billow, knocks you way over your head, life seems so cluttered when there is no reason for it to be. Frustration. "Child, I have a different plan and road for each person, and so have I got a different road for you! Read Psalms 104, see how I provide for each of my creations, see how I care for the works of My hands.. Aren't you of more worth than any of these things? Would I not, then, also care and provide for you?" Everything seems so far above my head, Jesus. I can't- I just- It all feels so- "I am teaching you how to rest in Me. Rest in Me. Rest in Me." So I throw everything aside, all my frustrations & tears, and lean my head on Him; He covers me in the shadow of His wings and there... There I find my rest.

"Keep me as the apple of Your eye, hide me in the shadow of Your wings." Psalms 17:8

"I have come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly"

Thank You, Jesus, for the extremely unexpected good results in my monthly test! Thank You for the unexpected answered prayer, thank You for the unexpected help given by an unexpected friend in something I have been praying about, thank You for Your encouragement in unexpected ways! Thank You for Your unexpected joy in my heart, thank You for the unexpected hope in the midst of confusion. Thank You for being such an unpredictable, amazing, omnipresent God, that works in unexpected and wonderful ways!

Joy, unspeakable joy; an overflowing well, no tongue can tell - Joy, unspeakable joy; Rises in my soul, never lets me go..