“But I’m so small I can barely be seen - how can this great love be inside of me? Look at your eyes - they’re small in size, but they see enormous things.”

Went for a trip to Kuala Lumpur with my family for a week to see the relatives and shop around a bit. Although my dad had to cancel at the last minute because of work related stuff :(

Being bored at the airport - Agatha Christie is one of my favourite authors.

Airplane food!

First glance at the hotel beds. 

Waterfall braids.

Ninja Joe's for lunch. It wasn't all that great for the price though.

Krispy Kreme doughnuts for tea. I'm not a big fan of sweet things though, so it was mostly eaten by my brother and sister. 

On Christmas morning, we went for a church service by Acts Church at Sunway. They had a Christmas production, a short film about Hope. 

Also, they gave us a small and cute brownie. It was yummy.

Walked around Sunway for a bit. This is a vintage shop called Vintage1988 selling accessories which are customisable as well! 

Harry Potter fans, let me hear you sigh.

Walking around KL in flip-flops is uncomfortable and painful, branded or not. Bought these cloth shoes at some random boutique in Sunway.

Hipster knickers and printed socks from Topshop/Topman.

(I didn't buy the knickers.)

Kim Gary for lunch one of the days.

Subway for dinner once. It wasn't that nice from what I remembered it to be.

I was down with the dry cough for the first few days in KL and how annoying is it to try and sleep when your throat itches?! Daniel was sick too although he had it worst than I did, with the wet cough and flu. 

View from the hotel window.

On the way to Pavillion. 

I think there is something incredibly attractive about being anonymous. As seen in these few pictures, they are random pictures taken of a moleskin tryout in the bookstore where anyone can test out the ink on the pages. There's just something about being free to say what you want without anyone knowing who you are. And there's something about reading through anothers thoughts - and finding a connection. 

"I wish he would just love me today too."

One dinner at Chilli's. Nachos, steak, fish & chips, and fajitas.

Early one morning.

Breakfast then. Famous puffs.

Rainbow created by light passing through the glass in one of the stores. 

"English Tea" at Delicious.

Met up with the cousin.

A porridge breakfast. With you tiao/you char kway and sweet tapioca balls.

Second breakfast after that at Plan B. 

I liked the wood tables.

There's me, and el sicko brother-o, and ickle monkey sister. 

Lights at night.

And the last glance at the hotel beds right before we left.

Welcomed back to Borneo by the sights of pretty little islands and bright blue skies.

Feels good to be back home. 

Finished my exams - Basically, finished high school. 5 years of the same roads and buildings... 5 years of new friends and old, new teachers and old. I've lived 17 years!

A crown of flowers that Raymond got for winning best-dressed during 'prom night' of sorts. As it was obvious he wasn't going to be doing anything with it anytime soon, I took it from him (heh heh yeh I brought it home). I've sat next to him in class for about 4 years now, can you believe it! Sitting next to him has taught me so much about life and people in general. (I'm a much more patient and tolerant person now, really, hahahaha)

The night soon turned into some sort of... Party thing. 

Macaroni pasta I had for lunch :)

Christmas trees and tinsel wreaths, the most magical time of the year is fast approaching! 

Until next time,

hannah

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum,
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead,
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

—Funeral Blues, W. H. Auden

What if you were an unbeliever?

As I was thinking - it suddenly occurred to me. A startling revelation, and not a pleasant one. Enlightening, yes, but hardly pleasant. It hit me, in that one moment, that if I were a non-believer - I would not be attracted to the Christian faith at all.

Yes, I could read the Scriptures and texts. Messages and sermons earnestly being told by believers who hold on to their faith unashamedly. I would admire them for their belief and their unwavering faith, wishfully wondering if it were possible for me to have that kind of security in an entity without any doubts. I could scroll through the Internet, and research about this faith, read through thousands of testimonies about life-changing experiences with a God so true to them. I could do all those things.

And then I could take a look around at the church, the people belonging to the church, and have what little faith I had crash down on me. I look around at the church through the eyes of an unbeliever and see people who have seemingly perfect lives. And it would seem to me that this religion is only for those who have it going good for them. And I would turn away, with the doubt planted in me, that God only has use for those with perfect lives.

As an unbeliever, I would not want to belong to a faith that has perfect believers. As a person of the world, I have scars and hurts and pains. I am jaded and I do not need a sugar-coated faith. Deep down or physical, I am hurting and I need to see with my very eyes that these people understand me. That these people have hurts and do not try to hide behind a wall of shallow truths and masked shadows, but are unashamed to boast of their weaknesses because God is their strength. That they went through the fire as dross laden metals and came out as silver. To connect to a God that went through hurts and came out victorious, I need to see that through His believers. I don't want to see your strengths. I want to see your weaknesses made into strengths by this God you serve.

As an unbeliever, I wouldn't. Because despite the perfumed letters and strong words, all I would be able to see is what they choose to show. I don't need that. I don't need the masks of perfection. I need the raw reality of this Love they hold on to and the extent of its depth for the world that is broken and in need of a Saviour. I need to see the impurities being burnt away by a furious love. I need to see it first in the believers, before believing for myself.

'We accept the love we think we deserve.' We don't deserve it. We'll never accept it. Till we see that Love isn't given because we deserve it but because we are undeserving yet we are Loved anyway. We do not accept the love we think we deserve. We accept the love we do not deserve; and we won't accept it until we see the depths of our undeserving being overshadowed by the depths of His Love. And when we accept the love we do not deserve, then we love those who do not deserve to be loved.

Favour, surrender, patience, trust