Because the God that knows each & every star by name, knows you better than you know yourself :) Muster up a smile, heave your thoughts into His hands - the palms that are big enough to hold the universe are small enough to hold your hands.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Tired. Everyday, tired. Sometimes I feel like it has grown so familiar, this tired feeling, since it is always there. Lean back and rest my eyes - Tiredness floats by. Settles deep into my bones; where His fire should be. Ghouls. Weighs down my spirit; where His hope should be. The anchor of my soul, seems to be the lingering presence of tiredness - A layer of dust over Hope. I lie there, barely able to move, eyes too tired. Yet I depend on His grace, His mercy, His strength, to get me through. His Love. Will lead me on another day. His grip on my arm - I know He will never let go. He whispers, "I'm always here. Remember.. My rest." I will let go of all else and rest in His green pastures & quiet waters - I know He restores my soul.
Friday, June 24, 2011
He is
Breathing, intertwining
among the threads of time and existence
He is Lord over all.
What more proof do you need of a Creator
When you look around and see all that is created -
He is in the love you give, the air we breathe
He is like the roar of the waterfalls
furious, jealous, all-consuming
Like no other Lover could be;
His love is Pure.
His love requires an understanding deeper than the seas
And yet to receive, all you need is your heart to give -
His love is Gracious.
Life-giving breath,
Breathe
On the lost, the hurt, the thirsty
All who are hungry,
Breathe
Breathing, intertwining
among the threads of time and existence
He is Lord over all.
What more proof do you need of a Creator
When you look around and see all that is created -
He is in the love you give, the air we breathe
He is like the roar of the waterfalls
furious, jealous, all-consuming
Like no other Lover could be;
His love is Pure.
His love requires an understanding deeper than the seas
And yet to receive, all you need is your heart to give -
His love is Gracious.
Life-giving breath,
Breathe
On the lost, the hurt, the thirsty
All who are hungry,
Breathe
Sunday, June 19, 2011
”Love Hurts”
I’ve heard it time & time & time again. Love Hurts.
I beg to differ.
Love doesn’t hurt. Rejection hurts. Lying hurts. Betrayal hurts. Jealousy hurts. Confusion hurts. Disloyalty hurts. Unfaithfulness hurts. Doubt hurts. Lack Of Interest hurts. Lack Of Attention hurts. Feelings Fading hurts. Neglect hurts. Feeling Unappreciated hurts. Change hurts. Abandonment hurts. Being Cheated hurts. Being Used hurts.
All Love tries to do is heal the wounds that all those things give you.
/tedezy/
Thursday, June 16, 2011
I hate it when someone reminds me of my past. Face it though, everyone has a past, in some way or
another - It might not even be a horrendously bad past. But just a past that makes you want to cringe at the memories of it, curl up in a ball and whither with shame & guilt faster than a flower in the desert sun.
The past. What an ominous phrase. I look back at the things that I've done and I can't even believe it - Lord, what in the name of all things good and wholesome WAS I DOING? Was I not THINKING? Did listening to too much Avril Lavigne and Hellogoodbye somehow kill my brain cells? Watching too much anime destroy my thinking skills?! (Yeah, I used to listen to Avril Lavigne and watch anime. Don't judge me!)
Jokes and a deep comical sense of despair aside - Thinking about the past just makes you feel stupid. Regrets just seem to bubble up and resurface again. Guilt haunts all the memories of what you did - A sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. "God.. What if I hadn't done that. I wish I didn't. If only I knew what I was getting myself into."
Whenever someone reminds me of all the stupidly appalling choices I've made, the terrible things I've said, the atrocious things that I chose to do, I just want to scream at them to shut and up and leave my past alone. Or cry. Or curl up in a corner and wail to God about how useless I was. Or spend the entire week in misery with the regrets shooting arrows into my heart, and guilt weighing my soul down. Or migrate to Alaska where my memories can perhaps freeze and I somehow forget my foolishness. Maybe join a monastery and spend the rest of my life in penance for my sins.
But in Isaiah 43:18-19, God says..
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."
I donno about you, but to me that sounds pretty much like an order from God. FORGET what you've done. FORGET all your stupidity. FORGET all those regrets. STOP DWELLING ON THE PAST. Stop dwelling on the past.
"See, I am doing a new thing!"
I love how there's an exclamation mark at the end of that sentence. It makes everything seem so amazingly bright with hope. God is doing a new thing! A new thing!
"Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"
Sometimes we don't perceive our blessings or how much we have actually grown from our mistakes and learning from the Great Teacher. We're so stuck on what we did that we forget what we have and can do through Christ who gives us strength, through Christ whose perfection shines through our weakness. We become blind to what we newly have, because we are blinded with what was.
"I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland."
Our Father can make a way when there is no way, bring life when there is no life, and make living waters flow in the place that is barren. And He is.
On the cross, Jesus took all my sins, diseases, wounds - And my past. He forgot it all. In Isaiah 43:12-13, He says, "I have revealed and saved and proclaimed... When I act, who can reverse it?”. He took my past, and no one can bring it back. No one can use it against me. No one can reverse His act of kindness and forgiveness. People can remind me of what I used to be, but no one can reverse who I now am in Christ.
My Beloved does not remember my past, so why should I?
another - It might not even be a horrendously bad past. But just a past that makes you want to cringe at the memories of it, curl up in a ball and whither with shame & guilt faster than a flower in the desert sun.
The past. What an ominous phrase. I look back at the things that I've done and I can't even believe it - Lord, what in the name of all things good and wholesome WAS I DOING? Was I not THINKING? Did listening to too much Avril Lavigne and Hellogoodbye somehow kill my brain cells? Watching too much anime destroy my thinking skills?! (Yeah, I used to listen to Avril Lavigne and watch anime. Don't judge me!)
Jokes and a deep comical sense of despair aside - Thinking about the past just makes you feel stupid. Regrets just seem to bubble up and resurface again. Guilt haunts all the memories of what you did - A sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. "God.. What if I hadn't done that. I wish I didn't. If only I knew what I was getting myself into."
Whenever someone reminds me of all the stupidly appalling choices I've made, the terrible things I've said, the atrocious things that I chose to do, I just want to scream at them to shut and up and leave my past alone. Or cry. Or curl up in a corner and wail to God about how useless I was. Or spend the entire week in misery with the regrets shooting arrows into my heart, and guilt weighing my soul down. Or migrate to Alaska where my memories can perhaps freeze and I somehow forget my foolishness. Maybe join a monastery and spend the rest of my life in penance for my sins.
But in Isaiah 43:18-19, God says..
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."
I donno about you, but to me that sounds pretty much like an order from God. FORGET what you've done. FORGET all your stupidity. FORGET all those regrets. STOP DWELLING ON THE PAST. Stop dwelling on the past.
"See, I am doing a new thing!"
I love how there's an exclamation mark at the end of that sentence. It makes everything seem so amazingly bright with hope. God is doing a new thing! A new thing!
"Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?"
Sometimes we don't perceive our blessings or how much we have actually grown from our mistakes and learning from the Great Teacher. We're so stuck on what we did that we forget what we have and can do through Christ who gives us strength, through Christ whose perfection shines through our weakness. We become blind to what we newly have, because we are blinded with what was.
"I am making a way in the wilderness, and streams in the wasteland."
Our Father can make a way when there is no way, bring life when there is no life, and make living waters flow in the place that is barren. And He is.
On the cross, Jesus took all my sins, diseases, wounds - And my past. He forgot it all. In Isaiah 43:12-13, He says, "I have revealed and saved and proclaimed... When I act, who can reverse it?”. He took my past, and no one can bring it back. No one can use it against me. No one can reverse His act of kindness and forgiveness. People can remind me of what I used to be, but no one can reverse who I now am in Christ.
My Beloved does not remember my past, so why should I?
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Me: God, I hate my _____, I'm not satisfied with this _____, I'm really sorry for complaining but I just need to tell someone this. I really dislike this _____, and can't stand how people always make fun of _____, why does she have _____ and I only have _____? And -
God: You're comparing yourself to the World's standard and perception of beauty.
Me: How do I stop comparing myself to the World? :(
God: Compare yourself to the Word.
BAM.
God: You're comparing yourself to the World's standard and perception of beauty.
Me: How do I stop comparing myself to the World? :(
God: Compare yourself to the Word.
BAM.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Have you ever felt discouraged in your walk with God? Discouraged, not with God, but with yourself.
I have.
And last Saturday, I have spent almost the entire day thinking about it. I was disappointed and discouraged with myself, and that had brought me down. All I could think of all day was something along these lines: I don’t pray enough. I don’t read the Bible enough. I don’t serve God enough.
I don’t love God enough.
That in my walk with Him, I’m failing. I thought that everything was fine and wonderful, and I was growing and moving forward, but sometimes I just feel my love for Him shift and there goes the problem. So I got discouraged by this.
But God is good and He is awesome; and He is aware of what I had in my mind and He understood. And so He spoke:
“It’s not about your love for Me. It’s My love for you.”
It’s not about your love for Him. We fail. We fail a lot. Our love can shift, can fail, can become dry. But God’s love is infinite, relentless, and powerful.
He loves us in spite of ourselves, in spite of our shortcomings, in spite of our failures, in spite of our mistakes. So don’t go relying on, and bragging about, and looking to, your love for Him. Don’t rely on your love for God as your number one crutch if you will, to get you moving in your relationship with Him. Because it’s not about you, or your love for God.
It’s about the love of God, and the faithfulness of God, and it’s about how He will move in our lives and prove to us that He will never leave us nor forsake us—to bring glory to His Name.
So be encouraged, beloved, if you’ve ever been in the same shoes I had been. Because God loves you. Infinitely. Passionately. Powerfully. And He will never stop.
We love Him, because He loved us first.
////////
I have.
And last Saturday, I have spent almost the entire day thinking about it. I was disappointed and discouraged with myself, and that had brought me down. All I could think of all day was something along these lines: I don’t pray enough. I don’t read the Bible enough. I don’t serve God enough.
I don’t love God enough.
That in my walk with Him, I’m failing. I thought that everything was fine and wonderful, and I was growing and moving forward, but sometimes I just feel my love for Him shift and there goes the problem. So I got discouraged by this.
But God is good and He is awesome; and He is aware of what I had in my mind and He understood. And so He spoke:
“It’s not about your love for Me. It’s My love for you.”
It’s not about your love for Him. We fail. We fail a lot. Our love can shift, can fail, can become dry. But God’s love is infinite, relentless, and powerful.
He loves us in spite of ourselves, in spite of our shortcomings, in spite of our failures, in spite of our mistakes. So don’t go relying on, and bragging about, and looking to, your love for Him. Don’t rely on your love for God as your number one crutch if you will, to get you moving in your relationship with Him. Because it’s not about you, or your love for God.
It’s about the love of God, and the faithfulness of God, and it’s about how He will move in our lives and prove to us that He will never leave us nor forsake us—to bring glory to His Name.
So be encouraged, beloved, if you’ve ever been in the same shoes I had been. Because God loves you. Infinitely. Passionately. Powerfully. And He will never stop.
We love Him, because He loved us first.
////////
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
“The next time I wonder if You’re strong enough to calm the storm that’s raging against me, I’ll remember that night with Your disciples when You spoke and silenced the sea.”
—Shelly E. Johnson
Tonights youth was just amazing once again, God in all His faithfulness and love never fails to show up. I made a new friend, Natalie, and something wonderful happened. Natalie was asking Him who she was and God just told Hania to go up to her and ask her, "Do you know who you are?" which was exactly what was on her mind.. I mean.. Thats no coincidence. That's God right there. Not sure how to explain it precisely but! When Hania got the message from God, to go over to Natalie and ask her that question, she first thought that it was just her mind. I mean, why on earth would God ask her to go up to this person that she didn't even know and ask her, "Do you know who you are?", that is just ridiculous, but then again God made a donkey speak, so things aren't really so ridiculous once you consider all the insane things God did in the bible. And of all the ridiculous things, God asked Noah to build a huge ark, asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, let Jonah get swallowed up by a whale... This God, I tell you, this God that I serve, is an amazingly insanely creative God (and with a sense of humour too.. check out that platypus!) that can ask us to do ridiculously insane things which might seem totally senseless and out of whack to us, but actually makes perfect sense in the Heavenlies, we just can't see it yet.
And so because of Hania's one act of obedience, a step of faith, risking that fact that if she was wrong (Note: God is Never Wrong) she would end up looking silly, but her act of obedience and faith caused a child of God to be touched & reassured by His love. So sometimes we get that one ridiculous thought in our head and we brush it off thinking that its not God, cause I mean like, seriously y'know, why would God ask me to tell that person that He thinks she's beautiful, rebuke the Devil rebuke the Devil! ...... And if you can't tell, I was joking. Ha. Ha. But seriously though. We just need to take that tiny step. And put your right foot forward. Take a deep breath and drag your left foot along. And then your whole body. And at the risk of looking like a total idiot and fool, open your mouth and say what God wants you to say (or what you think God wants you to say). Sometimes we say that its difficult to hear God's voice, but sometimes when we do hear it, we brush it off thinking that its our thoughts! Once we start to obey His tiny voice, we will start to be familiar with it and recognise which is His, which is ours, and which is the Devil's.. It takes the practise of faith, the reading of His word, and spending quality time with Him. Don't worry about looking like an idiot - "If any of you think you are wise by the standards of this age, you should become 'fools' so that you may become wise - for the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight!" 1 Corinth 3:18. We become fools for God that we might perceive godly wisdom.
Hmmmmmm, Hannah.
Yes, God?
You know something?
Yeah?
... I am not disappointed in you, and I will never be disappointed in you. No, not even when you disobey me. I've seen it all, I know it all. My love for you is so much greater than disappointments - I will never be disappointed with you. My love is greater.
What an assurance I needed to hear. Sometimes we're worried about failing God and disappointing Him - listen to this. He is an all-knowing sovereign God, and He knows wayyyyyy in advance whether we are going to disobey Him or sin or fall short. He knows. It doesn't mean that He doesn't care when we sin - But it means that He does not change in His love for us. Man, this can be interpreted (or misinterpreted) in so many ways, but I'm hoping you get what I mean. But His love is so much greater, His grace is so much greater, it is His strength that is made perfect in our weakness. Stop thinking that you've disappointed God!
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Its the middle of the year. I think these past months have been, weirdly surreal with God's faithfulness leading every path of the way. I've been learning so much, from leaders and pastors and most importantly, Jesus. And christian videos and books and most importantly, the Bible. But you know, sometimes knowledge isn't the most helpful thing. There was one point where my mind was so confused, so filled with doctrine and teachings and, this person was saying one thing, but this other thing was saying another thing, which was the right thing? But one thing I was forgetting was to ask Jesus what He says was right. And my mind was just so cluttered and filled with all these do's and dont's, doctrine, principles, laws; all the knowledge that was supposed to help me was actually blocking my path! I had fallen under the Law, forgetting that Jesus had done away with it and I live by His grace! It was all so overwhelming, being upset at not being able to comprehend everything, that I just sat there in the dark and wept and told Him, clear my mind of all this stuffiness and clutter of this so-called 'knowledge', fill it with Your peace and Your understanding. Father, I'm through with this, bring me back to that place where all I knew was You! Bring me back to the simplicity of the cross, where all I had was You, all I knew was You, where all my childlike faith was all that I needed. And crying in the dark, believe me, I was miserable, so miserable. It was like all I had learnt, all I had believed in, was useless. And yeah, it IS useless, without Jesus' hand on it, without His revelations and understanding guiding me. Its not that all the knowledge you learn from pastors is useless, its when you allow it to grab hold of you that it becomes the law, instead of allowing it to become a means by how Jesus teaches you.
And just literally crying out to Him, at the points of my spiritual walk where I was left with nothing, nothing except Jesus and even He felt a million miles away (Believe me, He's not.) and feeling entirely useless that there was no way He could use me, I was too cowardly, too faithless, too unloving. Please, those are just disgusting lies of the Devil! Hold on to the word of God; the righteous are as bold as a lion, even if we are faithless God will still remain faithful, and We Are Children of God; His grace is sufficient for us, His power is made perfect in our weaknesses! Because that is when we are left totally empty handed, nothing more of ourselves to show or to give, that is when Christ in all His strength and power shines through.
And at that place where I cried out desperately for Him, to fall in love so intimately with Him, no silly cheap romance - the wanting to just love Him with all my soul and all my might, to put Him first as Lord and God to reign supreme in my life! Telling Him all my desires and passions and dreams for the future, putting it all into His hands because I know that He is interested in my interests. In his heart a man plans his course, but it is the Lord that directs his steps! And my God is the Guide that has plans in my life to do immeasurably more than I could ever ask for or imagine. And I just remember that time where I had a hint of jealousy about a guy, I'll be honest here, I was thinking, hey what is that girl doing with my guy! And God, ever so gently, but definitely firmly, impressed upon me, "That is not your guy. That is My beloved Child, and he belongs to Me.. He is Mine." and I had to repent and renew my mind about all that I had ever thought. The fact that your God in Heaven is jealous for you is SO TRUE, He is jealous for you, and will not allow your heart to be taken by anyone other than Him! He just revealed to me then, that I absolutely cannot think of any other person as 'belonging to me' because everything on this earth that He has created belongs to Him and Him alone, and He loves with such an intense and fiery love. Sometimes when we get attached to a person, we start to get jealous and think, Oh that person belongs to me, he/she shouldn't be going off with other people, they're mine! But God says, NO, that person belongs to ME, I created him/her in my image and they are mine. And yeah, we really have to respect that and love each other in a Godly love, looking at each person as God's creation and as Him being jealous for them. Nothing that we could ever offer to another person in terms of love can compete with God's love for them. In Corinthians 13 it basically says that love "seeks the highest good of others, without thinking what I get out of it," so that is what we should do!
And Him showing me that my future is in His hands, and just knowing... Really knowing... That in Him, all things hold together. Showing me that straight road, putting dreams and compassions in my heart, Him holding my hand, Him hugging me, Him drawing me into His rest - Our God in Heaven really does care about us, and anything in your mind that makes you think otherwise is the lie of the Devil, just delve into His Word and be assured of His endless promises for you! And God has promised you peace, He has promised you an abundant future, He has promised you that He is with you ALWAYS (regardless of your feelings), and it says in 2 Corinthians 1:20, "No matter how many promises God has made, they are all YES in Christ!" assure yourself of His love for you & strike the Devil down. Another thing I have learnt is that I can't live my christian life based on my feelings, cause Jesus never lived His life on earth based on His feelings. He had emotions (He wept!) and showed them, but He never let His emotions become the basis of His mission on earth. He told His Father in Heaven, if it were possible let this cup be taken from me... Meaning that He knew what He was getting Himself into, when He allowed Himself to the point of death on the cross for us, and I don't think He was totally joyful about it, but the point is. He did it. Because He knew that that was what He was sent here for. Because of His great love for us. In that same way, if we were to base our christian walk on our emotions, it would be like an insane emotional roller-coaster where we would feel that God is on our side for one moment, and the next moment we would think that He hates us and is on planet pluto. Instead we base it on His Word and the knowledge/assurance that He will never leave us, never forsake us & will be with us till the end of time.
Even right now I have a lot of questions, Father, why am I here other than to do the will of Yours? Wait, what IS the will of Yours for me? You called us all to preach the good news to the poor, how do we do that? What if I do not have enough faith? What if my courage fails me? If we are called to walk as Jesus did, why are we so content with just sitting in church week by week listening to sermons and worshiping you, AND NOT GOING OUT TO HEAL THE SICK AND BREAK PEOPLE FROM THEIR CHAINS AND BONDAGES?! How do we walk in Your power? How do we break out of this cycle of endless contentment and satisfaction, when the Christian life is supposed to be so much more? Is this what you call "reaching out" when no one is getting saved, no lives are being transformed, no revelations of who You are is being revealed to the people who are lost? .... So many things, still overwhelms me, still brings me to ask God if my life is really all that I'm living it out to be for Him, but He is the great Teacher. I will trust. I will listen. I will obey.
All the things He has asked me that caused me to reflect, think back about my life, perhaps repent, perhaps fall on my knees in worship, the things He has shown me, let me feel, causing me to perhaps laugh in perfect joy, or cry in overwhelming sadness, weep at the slight revelations of His amazing love for me. It looks like this post has turned out to be a reflection on this past half-year, and thats only barely touching the tip of the iceberg! But I'm not even saying that this Christian life is easy, sometimes it is the most frustrating choice that I have ever made, driving me to tears and wanting to give everything up because it seems like I am not doing anything; BUT Jesus is what makes it worthwhile, He is what makes both me and you stand firm in Christ. Cause this decision to die to my old self, have Christ live in me and me in Him, pick up my cross and deny myself every single day has been the most amazing thing that I have chosen. What could compare to having this omnipresent Father in Heaven looking out for you, loving you, caring for you, covering you in the shadow of His wings? Now all I pray is for Him to lead me in deeper ways and help me to take the small steps of faith needed in this walk with Him. There is no excuse, no turning back.. "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galations 1:10
And just literally crying out to Him, at the points of my spiritual walk where I was left with nothing, nothing except Jesus and even He felt a million miles away (Believe me, He's not.) and feeling entirely useless that there was no way He could use me, I was too cowardly, too faithless, too unloving. Please, those are just disgusting lies of the Devil! Hold on to the word of God; the righteous are as bold as a lion, even if we are faithless God will still remain faithful, and We Are Children of God; His grace is sufficient for us, His power is made perfect in our weaknesses! Because that is when we are left totally empty handed, nothing more of ourselves to show or to give, that is when Christ in all His strength and power shines through.
And at that place where I cried out desperately for Him, to fall in love so intimately with Him, no silly cheap romance - the wanting to just love Him with all my soul and all my might, to put Him first as Lord and God to reign supreme in my life! Telling Him all my desires and passions and dreams for the future, putting it all into His hands because I know that He is interested in my interests. In his heart a man plans his course, but it is the Lord that directs his steps! And my God is the Guide that has plans in my life to do immeasurably more than I could ever ask for or imagine. And I just remember that time where I had a hint of jealousy about a guy, I'll be honest here, I was thinking, hey what is that girl doing with my guy! And God, ever so gently, but definitely firmly, impressed upon me, "That is not your guy. That is My beloved Child, and he belongs to Me.. He is Mine." and I had to repent and renew my mind about all that I had ever thought. The fact that your God in Heaven is jealous for you is SO TRUE, He is jealous for you, and will not allow your heart to be taken by anyone other than Him! He just revealed to me then, that I absolutely cannot think of any other person as 'belonging to me' because everything on this earth that He has created belongs to Him and Him alone, and He loves with such an intense and fiery love. Sometimes when we get attached to a person, we start to get jealous and think, Oh that person belongs to me, he/she shouldn't be going off with other people, they're mine! But God says, NO, that person belongs to ME, I created him/her in my image and they are mine. And yeah, we really have to respect that and love each other in a Godly love, looking at each person as God's creation and as Him being jealous for them. Nothing that we could ever offer to another person in terms of love can compete with God's love for them. In Corinthians 13 it basically says that love "seeks the highest good of others, without thinking what I get out of it," so that is what we should do!
And Him showing me that my future is in His hands, and just knowing... Really knowing... That in Him, all things hold together. Showing me that straight road, putting dreams and compassions in my heart, Him holding my hand, Him hugging me, Him drawing me into His rest - Our God in Heaven really does care about us, and anything in your mind that makes you think otherwise is the lie of the Devil, just delve into His Word and be assured of His endless promises for you! And God has promised you peace, He has promised you an abundant future, He has promised you that He is with you ALWAYS (regardless of your feelings), and it says in 2 Corinthians 1:20, "No matter how many promises God has made, they are all YES in Christ!" assure yourself of His love for you & strike the Devil down. Another thing I have learnt is that I can't live my christian life based on my feelings, cause Jesus never lived His life on earth based on His feelings. He had emotions (He wept!) and showed them, but He never let His emotions become the basis of His mission on earth. He told His Father in Heaven, if it were possible let this cup be taken from me... Meaning that He knew what He was getting Himself into, when He allowed Himself to the point of death on the cross for us, and I don't think He was totally joyful about it, but the point is. He did it. Because He knew that that was what He was sent here for. Because of His great love for us. In that same way, if we were to base our christian walk on our emotions, it would be like an insane emotional roller-coaster where we would feel that God is on our side for one moment, and the next moment we would think that He hates us and is on planet pluto. Instead we base it on His Word and the knowledge/assurance that He will never leave us, never forsake us & will be with us till the end of time.
Even right now I have a lot of questions, Father, why am I here other than to do the will of Yours? Wait, what IS the will of Yours for me? You called us all to preach the good news to the poor, how do we do that? What if I do not have enough faith? What if my courage fails me? If we are called to walk as Jesus did, why are we so content with just sitting in church week by week listening to sermons and worshiping you, AND NOT GOING OUT TO HEAL THE SICK AND BREAK PEOPLE FROM THEIR CHAINS AND BONDAGES?! How do we walk in Your power? How do we break out of this cycle of endless contentment and satisfaction, when the Christian life is supposed to be so much more? Is this what you call "reaching out" when no one is getting saved, no lives are being transformed, no revelations of who You are is being revealed to the people who are lost? .... So many things, still overwhelms me, still brings me to ask God if my life is really all that I'm living it out to be for Him, but He is the great Teacher. I will trust. I will listen. I will obey.
All the things He has asked me that caused me to reflect, think back about my life, perhaps repent, perhaps fall on my knees in worship, the things He has shown me, let me feel, causing me to perhaps laugh in perfect joy, or cry in overwhelming sadness, weep at the slight revelations of His amazing love for me. It looks like this post has turned out to be a reflection on this past half-year, and thats only barely touching the tip of the iceberg! But I'm not even saying that this Christian life is easy, sometimes it is the most frustrating choice that I have ever made, driving me to tears and wanting to give everything up because it seems like I am not doing anything; BUT Jesus is what makes it worthwhile, He is what makes both me and you stand firm in Christ. Cause this decision to die to my old self, have Christ live in me and me in Him, pick up my cross and deny myself every single day has been the most amazing thing that I have chosen. What could compare to having this omnipresent Father in Heaven looking out for you, loving you, caring for you, covering you in the shadow of His wings? Now all I pray is for Him to lead me in deeper ways and help me to take the small steps of faith needed in this walk with Him. There is no excuse, no turning back.. "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galations 1:10
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” Matthew 6:26, 10:31♥
He's reminded me of that so many times. And over and over again. And reminds me again. And again.
Hey. Remember how I feed the birds, remember how I provide for every living creature? Psalms 104, Job 38; Read and remind yourself of My faithfulness! Who brings forth the constellations in their seasons? I do. Who provides food for the ravens? I do. Even the roaring lions seek their food from Me. Just trust - stop trying, and Trust.
He is El-Chaiyai, "The God of My Life"; By day Yahweh directs His love, at night His song is with me— a prayer to El Chaiyai. (Psalms 42:8)
Monday, June 6, 2011
Bapa di Syurga, selalu menantikan saat di mana seorang anak diubah dengan kasih sayang yang lestari, cinta yang abadi; di mana hati seorang anak yang begitu dikasihi terbuka untuk menerima hadiah yang sedang menanti mereka. Sedang menanti.. selalu menanti. Kesabaran seseorang Tuhan yang kekal, tidak pernah berubah.
Ubahkan hatiku untuk menjadikan Kau sebagai teladan, contoh yang telah Kau berikan - Saat di mana Tuhan yang begitu layak untuk disembah telah merendahkan diri untuk membersihkan kaki penganutNya, dikatakanNya, "Aku telah memberikan suatu teladan kepada kamu, supaya kamu juga berbuat sama seperti yang telah Kuperbuat kepadamu..." Tiada ternilai harga salib yang telah menyediakan jalan untuk kita - yang tersedikit aku dapat memberi adalah untuk meletakkan segala hidupku ke atas mezbahMu.
Segala nikmat sementara di dunia ini, tidak dapat berbanding dengan ketenangan yang mengepung sebuah jiwa yang diserahkan kepada Bapa yang mengetahui segalanya & menginginkan yang terbaik untuk anakNya yang dikasihi. "Tuhan membimbing aku ke air yang tenang; Tuhan menyegarkan jiwaku. Tuhan menuntun aku di jalan yang benar oleh kerana namaNya." Inilah cinta yang abadi, inilah sayang yang tersuci- Inilah kasih yang tidak akan lenyap untuk selamanya! - dapatkah aku memahami semua yang Kau telah kurniakan, yang telahKau memberkatimu dengan?
"Marilah kepadaKu, semua yang letih lesu dan berbeban berat, Aku akan memberi kelegaan kepadamu." Hembusan nafas Tuhan yang telah memberikanku nyawa yang baru; kehidupan ini yang baru.. Aku milikMu, Kau bapaku. Berserahlah kepada Tuhan. Mungkinlah aku rapuh, aku lemah, tetapi dikatakanNya, "Cukuplah kasih karuniaKu bagimu, sebab justeru dalam kelemahanlah kuasaKu menjadi sempurna." Kasih karunia - Grace.
John 13:15, Psalms 23:2-3, Matthew 11:28, 2 Corinthians 12:9
Ubahkan hatiku untuk menjadikan Kau sebagai teladan, contoh yang telah Kau berikan - Saat di mana Tuhan yang begitu layak untuk disembah telah merendahkan diri untuk membersihkan kaki penganutNya, dikatakanNya, "Aku telah memberikan suatu teladan kepada kamu, supaya kamu juga berbuat sama seperti yang telah Kuperbuat kepadamu..." Tiada ternilai harga salib yang telah menyediakan jalan untuk kita - yang tersedikit aku dapat memberi adalah untuk meletakkan segala hidupku ke atas mezbahMu.
Segala nikmat sementara di dunia ini, tidak dapat berbanding dengan ketenangan yang mengepung sebuah jiwa yang diserahkan kepada Bapa yang mengetahui segalanya & menginginkan yang terbaik untuk anakNya yang dikasihi. "Tuhan membimbing aku ke air yang tenang; Tuhan menyegarkan jiwaku. Tuhan menuntun aku di jalan yang benar oleh kerana namaNya." Inilah cinta yang abadi, inilah sayang yang tersuci- Inilah kasih yang tidak akan lenyap untuk selamanya! - dapatkah aku memahami semua yang Kau telah kurniakan, yang telahKau memberkatimu dengan?
"Marilah kepadaKu, semua yang letih lesu dan berbeban berat, Aku akan memberi kelegaan kepadamu." Hembusan nafas Tuhan yang telah memberikanku nyawa yang baru; kehidupan ini yang baru.. Aku milikMu, Kau bapaku. Berserahlah kepada Tuhan. Mungkinlah aku rapuh, aku lemah, tetapi dikatakanNya, "Cukuplah kasih karuniaKu bagimu, sebab justeru dalam kelemahanlah kuasaKu menjadi sempurna." Kasih karunia - Grace.
John 13:15, Psalms 23:2-3, Matthew 11:28, 2 Corinthians 12:9
Isaiah 53:5
He was pierced for our transgressions, and crushed for our sins- The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him and by His wounds, BY HIS WOUNDS WE ARE HEALED.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Curled up in a corner. Reach out your hands to grasp something, just to make sense of something, it all floats by; oceans & breakers billow, knocks you way over your head, life seems so cluttered when there is no reason for it to be. Frustration. "Child, I have a different plan and road for each person, and so have I got a different road for you! Read Psalms 104, see how I provide for each of my creations, see how I care for the works of My hands.. Aren't you of more worth than any of these things? Would I not, then, also care and provide for you?" Everything seems so far above my head, Jesus. I can't- I just- It all feels so- "I am teaching you how to rest in Me. Rest in Me. Rest in Me." So I throw everything aside, all my frustrations & tears, and lean my head on Him; He covers me in the shadow of His wings and there... There I find my rest.
"Keep me as the apple of Your eye, hide me in the shadow of Your wings." Psalms 17:8
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
One thing I won't understand about us as humans, is that we are so reluctant to say sorry. Especially when we are the ones that have been wronged. Does that make sense? Being wronged by someone, and then going to the person and saying sorry, although you were the one that was supposed to be apologised to? Nope, didn't think it made sense either.
When you're wronged, you just do not want to go to that person and say that you're sorry. "Why should I say sorry for? He was the one that wronged me. He's the one that should come to me and apologise to me! I'm not going to go over and say that I'm sorry. I didn't do anything wrong." Notice the abundance of I, I, I, I & Me, Me, Me, Me? Hellooooo pride, goodbye humility!
Sometimes its not about who's right and who's wrong. Although justice is so important, and God has often talked about justice in the Bible - but God also said that the 2nd greatest commandment was to love your neighbour as yourself. And loving your neighbour requires forgiveness. And forgiveness requires humility. And humility... cannot come forth from pride.
It's not about you being the wronged one, its not about the other person being the bad guy. Its about Jesus being the ultimate example of humility as He died for our dirtiness and sin as we received His righteousness. We always come back to the cross.
Saying sorry although you're innocent doesn't mean that you're vulnerable or being taken advantage of - it just shows that you're learning from the great Teacher himself, learning how to love your neighbour as yourself.
Just as Jesus did it, so must we.
When you're wronged, you just do not want to go to that person and say that you're sorry. "Why should I say sorry for? He was the one that wronged me. He's the one that should come to me and apologise to me! I'm not going to go over and say that I'm sorry. I didn't do anything wrong." Notice the abundance of I, I, I, I & Me, Me, Me, Me? Hellooooo pride, goodbye humility!
Sometimes its not about who's right and who's wrong. Although justice is so important, and God has often talked about justice in the Bible - but God also said that the 2nd greatest commandment was to love your neighbour as yourself. And loving your neighbour requires forgiveness. And forgiveness requires humility. And humility... cannot come forth from pride.
It's not about you being the wronged one, its not about the other person being the bad guy. Its about Jesus being the ultimate example of humility as He died for our dirtiness and sin as we received His righteousness. We always come back to the cross.
Saying sorry although you're innocent doesn't mean that you're vulnerable or being taken advantage of - it just shows that you're learning from the great Teacher himself, learning how to love your neighbour as yourself.
Just as Jesus did it, so must we.
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